Ace's World

2 Things I Learned Today

2011-10-19T23:29:00.001-04:00

So two things became very clear to me today:

1) The rain obviously contains some sort of chemical that when breathed into 99% of people's lungs causes their brains to turn off while driving a car, truck, minivan, bus, SUV, Hybrid, or any other motorized vehicle allowed on the road. Luckily, or possibly unluckily, I belong to the other 1% that seem to be immune to the effect of the rain, and in turn have to suffer at the hands of these people. I am sorry, but just because there is a little bit of water dropping from the sky, does that mean you can not go the speed limit and need to constantly hit your breaks for miles on end???

2) It doesn't really matter what type of car you drive, it means nothing towards the type of person or driver you are. You could be an old man in a convertible sports car, you still drive like an old man. You could be a rich middle-aged woman in a BMW you are still parked in the left lane going 5 miles under the speed limit talking on your cell phone. And you may be a 20-something guy driving a Mustang/Lexus/Camaro/Civic, you are still a meat head who will try and race off the line at a red light only to have to wear out your brakes to stop at the red light at the next intersection.

So yes, even though it was a rather uneventful day, I was still able to observe and learn a few things...

The Music in Her

2011-10-18T21:25:00.002-04:00

My daughter has become my pseudo DJ whenever we are in the car. She requests...let me rephrase that, she TELLS me what she wants to listen to whenever we are driving. It has become quite comical, as well as a bit frustrating at time, but I must say that I adore the love that she is showing to have for music.

Her musical taste is mighty eclectic, as is a direct reflection of my wife and I. Her favorite musicians include 3 Doors Down, Metallica, Staind, Lady Gaga, Jennifer Lopez, and Billy Joel, just to name a few. She will, at any moment, tell out that she wants to hear one of the above mentioned artists, but not just by name but also certain songs (eg. "Piano Man", "Kryptonite") and sometimes by which track number ("The beginning song Daddy!"). But what I find most intriguing is how she will sit stone-faced the first time she hears a song/CD and then ask for it to be repeated over and over again. I finally realized she was doing this because she was trying to listen to the lyrics and memorize them (thus one Saturday afternoon several weeks ago when we had to listen to "On the Floor" by Jennifer Lopez about 25 times).

In addition to loving to listen to and memorizing songs, I have noticed that she will also at times start tapping her hands on her lap as if playing with the drum beat, or strum her hand as if playing the guitar, things no doubt she learned by watching me as I am driving. She truly does have the music in her, and it makes me a very proud Daddy...

All HOPE

2011-10-13T23:02:00.001-04:00

While driving to work yesterday I came to a stop light, and on the back of the Mini Cooper in front of me was the bumper sticker shown here on the right. As I sat there waiting for the green light (pretty ironic given the current state of our country and economy), something occurred to me. This picture and the word below it are very telling, and kind of sum up where we are at. HOPE.

You see, no one can complain that Obama isn't doing what he had promised to in his campaign, nor can they say it was false advertising. You see, the bumper sticker slogan says it all, HOPE. When I look at this picture, I see the mindset that is taking us down. What most people who ended up voting for him say in this picture was "I will give you hope for a better future". But what I see, and I think it is becoming the reality as the days go by, is that it means "Let's hope that I can do a better job than the last guy". Unfortunately, not only is he not doing a better job and getting us out of a very troubling situation, but he is actually doing the opposite.

Think back to when you were a child, whether it be at home or school or any organization you were part of, and the meaning of words. When you are in athletics or any competitive activity, do they teach you to "hope" you go out and do well? No, they tell you to believe in yourself and think positively that you can get it done. No one goes out and says "I hope I can win today", or "I hope I can do my job". It is almost as if this slogan gives a built-in excuse, the ability to say "hey, I told you to HOPE I could do it".

The future of this country should not be built on HOPE, it should be built on knowledge and confidence. Hoping that we can get out of the troubles that our country is in is not going to do it. Hoping we can put people back to work and get our of the Middle East and stabilize the economy isn't going to make it happen. The country was convinced by the media and ad campaigns that by voting for Obama this gave you HOPE of a brighter future, but in the end shouldn't we trust our country in the hands of knowledge and confidence instead of HOPE??? so maybe this next election we can vote for someone who isn't HOPING to do a good job...

How Old is Too Old?

2011-10-13T10:08:00.000-04:00

Today I began to think about where my life is compared to what I wanted out of life when I was younger. You know, how when you are a kid and the whole "When I grow up I want to be a ____" thing. We all usually have these grandiose ideas of what we want to be, like a pro athlete, an actor, a doctor, the president, etc. So it got me to thinking, at what point are we "grown up", and how old is too old to continue chasing a childhood dream?

For me, I had always wanted to be a baseball player, or at least into my early teenage years. After that, I began to play music and learned to play guitar and it became wanting to be a rock star and play music for a living. As much of a passion as I have always had for music and playing guitar, it is something that I never seriously pursued. I played in a few makeshift groups when I was in my teens and early 20's, but nothing that panned out. Then I began working "real" jobs when it came to the point of needing to make a living. and now here I am 35 years old with a wife, child, mortgage and a "real job", which has nothing to do with music or any other childhood aspirations. Not that I ever really gave up on my dream and passion for music, but life just kind of happened and it wasn't a priority. I am sure this is something that many people, probably most, have gone through, but maybe I just obsess over it more than most.

And so now I sit and think, as I have many times before, if it is something I could ever fall back into if I tried to follow that distant dream? When do we come to the realization that this is what our life is going to be, that this is our reality? At what point do we give up the idea of chasing childhood dreams? Or is it a healthy thing to always have an eye on something more??

Is it selfish to want something more for yourself, when you have a life that is set and complete? Sure, some things you can go to school for as an adult and change courses, but others age gets in the way. At 35 you can't start up as a pro athlete (unless you are looking to join the Pro Bowling Association maybe), nor do you see many musicians who got their start that late in life. And when you have a job and a family and bills, it isn't as easy as saying "let me start over and try this instead".

So when is it time to look ahead and not behind? How old is too old to want to try and catch a taste of the sweetness of dreams you had in your youth? This is a question I ask myself all the time...

A Great Life

2011-03-15T03:04:00.000-04:00

So what is it that makes a great life? Is it fame? Fortune? Having everything you ever asked for? What exactly is it that makes a life great? It is the question that everyone asks yet not many can answer. We all think we know what makes a great life, or at least what we think would make US happy. But what is it that truly makes for a great life? This is something that I, as I am sure many other grapple with each and every day. the answers usually seem so simple, yet extremely shallow at the same time. Sure, we would all love to have the perfect job, the perfect spouse, the great house and car. But is that it? Is that the answer?

It is so easy to think that a great like means to have it all, the house, the car, the girl, the money, the fame and fortune...but is that what makes a life great, or even happy? Happiness is not in what you have, yet in what you make. It's the age old philosophy "money doesn't buy you happiness". this is very true for the most part. Money alone can't make you happy, nor can fame or anything else that strokes the ego. Money and all the spoils might give you the opportunity to be happy, but it is up to us to make our own happiness. A lack of money, though, can definitely make your unhappy and make for a rough life, but also doesn't not guarantee misery. Life is what you make of it, rich or poor, famous or obscure. The key is finding what it is that makes you happy and what makes your individual life great. the answers though, might not be so easy.

So what makes a life great? Does winning the Lottery make it great? Does having a gorgeous wife make life great? Does being a rock star or professional athlete make life great? Does driving a fine Italian sports car make life great? I am sure the answer to each of those questions is YES, but on their own they are just individual accomplishments. At the end of the day, whether we are rich or poor, famous or not, we all need to look at ourselves in the mirror and see who we really are and what we have around us. Life is full of examples of people who seem to have it all, yet end up on the news in tragedy. the tragedy is not in that they had it all and lost it, but yet that they thought they had it all but in reality didn't have a great life.

trust me, I am far from one to say that I have it all figured out, because trust me I don't. But writing is part of me helping myself find the answers that I have been looking for, the answers I am sure many are looking for. I have a decent job that I enjoy and a beautiful wife and wonderful daughter. I also have a very deep passion for life. I have many interests, some that I am able to enjoy and others that I struggle to find time for. And as much as a part of me feels that those things that my life does not enable me time for are the things that would make for a great life, more and more I realize that it is the things that are in front of me that are great. But more so than the "things we have", what makes life great I believe are the things we do. People get so caught up in the rat race, in trying to get this and have that, that we sometimes forget our passions and to just enjoy the ride.

It's like obsessing over taking pictures of each and every moment of a child's life and upbringing. As much as I want to document every day of my daughter's life so that I will have the pictures to look back on, there are many times where I remember too late and regret not getting something on film or in print. But then I realize that instead of being there behind a camera recording something, I was actually there enjoying the moment with her, and that those memories will live forever in my mind. To me that is living, THAT is a great life. Being able to see the pure join in a little girl's face when she sees or experiences something new, now that is a great moment. Trying to make every holiday, vacation, or birthday the most memorable, is living a noble life. Realizing that the most important people in your life are those you say goodnight to each and every day is realizing what makes life great. sacrificing your own time and wants and needs in order to make your kids lives the fullest and happiest they can be is part of a great life.

You see, we may never find out what it is that makes for a great life. We may never know the true meaning of happiness. We might never be able to actually "have it all". Even if I am never a rich rock star, I can still have a pretty good life. As I have come to realize little at a time, the key to life is living. each and every day gives us a chance to live, a chance to make that day a great day. Sure, each day also has the opportunity to throw any number of problems our way, but those too are not what defines us or our happiness. It is what we do with those problems and how we learn from them and get past them that make life great or not. If we take everything, both good and bad, and learn from it and grown from it and life our lives with passion, then we will then be closer to living a great life...

The One Word

2011-03-04T11:55:00.000-05:00

I have been called many things in my short time on this planet. I have been called son, brother, friend, foe. I have been called cousin, uncle, teammate, coworker. I've been called boyfriend, lover, ex, and husband. But there is one thing I have been called that means more to me than anything else...DADDY.

There is just something that happens when that little voice of my daughter's says that word, Daddy. It can be in a moment of need when she is sick, or a moment of fright when she isn't sure. It can be when she is playful and giggling, or when she is tired and saying goodnight. But even when she says it in anger or frustration, it is still the most soothing thing to my ears. Even when she is acting up and has me frustrated to no end, when I hear that word Daddy it just melts my heart and makes things a little bit brighter.

Just knowing that someone is so reliant on you, and so influenced by your words and actions makes you want to be a better person. And as much as we as parents have an effect on the way our children see the world, the thing they will never quite understand is how they do that very same thing to us...

Don't Silence the Soundtrack

2010-11-04T12:40:00.000-04:00

I started playing music when I was in the 6th grade. My elementary school offered music classes twice a week as a preparatory for middle school. I chose the trumpet because that is what my older brother had played, and since he had since move on to the tuba I could use his old trumpet for my lessons. From there I moved into middle school and continued to play the trumpet, and then baritone and trombone. Playing music in school was something that I enjoyed, a release and a challenge all in one. But as I have grown older I have realized how much music has actually taught me, and how much it has molded my life.

I have always loved music for as long as I can remember. It has kind of been the soundtrack to my life. I can relate music to so many memories...summer days in the pool listening to Chicago and Michael Jackson and Neil Diamond at my parents' house, the Beach Boy Christmas playing in the background as we decorated our tree, listening to Def Leppard's Hysteria cassette repeatedly as we drove to New Jersey from Florida on a family trip. These are all life experiences that music has helped to stamp into my brain. Just like in a great movie where you can picture a certain scene when you hear a song being played, so has been my life. So it was only natural for me to want to be part of the music myself.

Sure, many kids dream of being rock stars when they are young, and I was no different. My younger brother and I would dress up like rock musicians and put on performances for our family lip syncing and pretending to play guitars that were actually tennis rackets. I can remember the exact moment when I knew I wanted to play guitar for real. I was at home watching MTV (this is when they actually played music videos) and saw Van Halen's "When it's Love" video. The scene was a dimly lit bar, with the band playing and a lot of close ups. I remember seeing ans hearing Eddie Van Halen play so crisply in the song, and instantly I thought to myself "I can do that". So when I was 16 my parents, broke down and got me an electric guitar for Christmas. It was the best gift ever, and over time I taught myself to play. Now I am a marginal player at best, but playing guitar, which I still do when I find the time, is a great outlet for me and I still get so much enjoyment out of it.

Playing music, both in school and on my own, has taught me so much. In a time where school music programs are being cut left and right, it saddens me because I can see all the good that can come out of teaching children about music. start with the fact that you are teaching them a skill, something that may or may not lead to a profession, but something that they will always be able to take with them. Along with that, it is the lesson of sticking with something and practicing it over and over in order to get better. It is a lesson that can be applied to anything they might do throughout their lives. In addition there are tremendous math skills that are honed when learning about and how to play music. Keeping time and learning the different lengths of notes are all mathematical elements.

Another important lesson that comes along with teaching children to play music is the social aspect. We are teaching kids not only how to read music and play in instrument, buy also how to do these things TOGETHER. The interaction between different parts or instruments, the breaking down of insecurities by having to play around others. These are all things that help to grow a child's character. In addition, you are teaching your kids culture, and about different styles and histories that they otherwise wouldn't learn about. For the four years I was in high school I played in the marching band where I was exposed to traditional marching styles as well as popular music transposed into a marching theme, the concert symphony where I learned classical styles such as Bach and Wagner, the jazz band which taught me studio jazz as well as the Latin fusion styles, and then pursued my own personal passions of rock and metal music while playing guitar on my own. What other skill or extracurricular activity offered in schools can give children exposure to such a diverse collection of experiences? And all of this while teaching them how to interact and become a strong individual.

Music is what drives me, it is what motivates me, it is what heals me. I prefer rock and metal music to others, but have and do listen to all other kinds such as Pop, Latin, Country and Hip Hop. I have a very diverse variety just in the CD changer in my car, which can range from Korn to 3 Doors Down to Tom Petty to Marc Anthony. to me, great music is great music, regardless of the genre or who it is that makes it. There is nothing more powerful than hearing a song that gives you goosebumps and hits a chord inside you because you can totally relate to the story or issue being sung about. And at the same time, at least for me, there is nothing more intense than hearing the perfect crushing guitar riff that just makes you want to bang your head or sway around. Music can make you cry, make you dance, make you smile, or make you think. And to me, that last one is the most important. Music makes us think. It makes us think about what the person who wrote it was thinking about, it makes us think about how we relate to it, and it makes us think about how they actually made it. What better lesson to teach our kids?

So today, while you are working or driving or watching TV, take notice of how many times you hear some sort of music. Then think to yourself what that music does to you, and how it makes you feel. Whether it be a CD you play on your drive home, or a soundtrack to your favorite TV show or movie, or even just a sample during a commercial, imagine what your life would be like without that music there. Then think about the fact that we are slowly taking about the roots of where that music comes from by dropping music classes from schools and not exposing our children to this wonderful craft. If we stop teaching our kids about music and how to make it, eventually we will be taking away the heart and soul of so many parts of our lives, silencing the soundtrack of our lives...

Who's Fault?

2010-10-27T12:11:00.000-04:00

There was a time, not that long ago as a matter of fact, when our people were held accountable for our actions and mistakes. It seems like so long ago. But today we have become a society not only blames our shortcomings and bad choices on someone else, but where courts and doctors and pretty much everyone accepts these excuses. And I say excuses because that is exactly what they are. Do you remember when you were little and your parents would say to you "I don't want any excuses"? That was because they knew damn well that whatever it was that you did to get yourself in hot water, it was your fault. But today, that statement has been replaced by "Who showed you/taught you/allowed you to do this?". In other words, it's never your fault anymore, it's always someone else's fault. We are no longer held responsible for our actions, our bad decisions are most likely the result of our parents or because we should have never been allowed to have the chance to screw up. It has led us down a path that scares me to death, because if everyone is pointing their finger at someone else eventually we run out of people to blame, and then what?

It can be as simple as someone spilling hot coffee on themselves and suing the fast food joint for it being too hot, AND WINNING A MILLION DOLLARS. Instead of applying the rules of common sense and throwing this case out because the person should have been more careful with an obviously hot beverage, the courts opened up the gate for frivolous lawsuits by setting the precedent that it's not the idiot holding the hot food's fault if they get hurt, it's the supplier for not putting a label on it stating that it is hot. On which planet this makes sense I don't know, but it is now the norm here on earth, or at least in the USA.

Doctors are most guilty of this social epidemic, as they feed into the blame game. If a child is a behavioral problem, they have ADD or ADHD. If you are lazy and have no energy you have chronic fatigue. If you don't know how to cope with problems you have depression. Now these things are all very real and there are people who actually suffer from them, but not at the numbers that are treated today. Today, these are easy explanations and fixes for a much deeper problem. It is easier to say a kid has ADD and shove meds down their throat than it is to actually put the time in with them to teach them how to concentrate and behave. When I was a kid, maybe one child in a class had ADD, now we are looking at a third of them being diagnosed. To me, it is a result of people not putting the time in as parents and expecting the teachers and doctors to deal with it for them. And these kids grow up to be adults who don't know how to cope, except to medicate themselves. Is this really the world we want to create and have to live in?

It's all an endless blame game...when are we going to start taking responsibility for our actions or lack of them. When are we going to revert back to a time where people stood on their own merit, and not blame others for their weaknesses? This country was built and advanced by people who persevered through tough times, yet in modern days we want everything handed to us. We are teaching our kids that they deserve everything their little hearts desire, regardless of if they have earned it. We are raising a generation of people who know that if something goes wrong, they can sue someone over it, take a pill for it, get an exemption for it, or blame someone else for it. I am all for helping someone out who needs a hand, but eventually there will be no one left to give out that helping hand, because we will all be the ones asking for it...

The King of her Castle

2010-10-15T11:28:00.000-04:00

As I write this, I have a paper crown on my head. It is a construction paper crown that my daughter made at a craft store about a month ago. I can honestly say I never really thought I would be sitting around my house wearing a paper crown, but at the same time I wear it with pride. You see, I didn't decide to wear it so much as my daughter decided I would. She was playing with her toys and had on a princess tiara, and came to the conclusion that I needed to be royalty too. And like that, my life's purpose was made very clear to me. In her eyes, I was royalty. To her, we were royalty. And to her, I am not a guy with an image to uphold, but instead I am her king, just Daddy.

Such had become my life, a life of being the father of a little girl. She is two and a half, yet starting to become a little lady with her own opinions and ideas. It is a humbling situation, but not at all regretful. Instead of watching Sportscenter and CNN during the day, it is Barney and sesame Street. Instead of working outside or tinkering with a guitar, I learn about the Little Mermaid and help dress her dolls for her. And damn this new thing called Polly Pocket. for those of you without young daughters, Polly Pocket is like miniature Barbie dolls that have tine little rubber clothes and accessories. My daughter learned of Polly at her baby sitter's house, as her daughter has them. So of course we were suckered into buying her a starters kit, and now it is her favorite thing to play with. Of course these dolls and there clothes are very small and hard for a 2 year old's fingers to fully function, so I spend a considerable amount of time helping her dress and redress her dolls. I can't say it is something I ever dreamt about doing, but it is something I do without hesitation or thought because it is time spent with my daughter.

There are trips to the zoo or to the farm to pick apples and pumpkins that have replaced road trips and nights out at the bars. Going to the mall is now about looking for children's clothes and shoes and hair accessories instead of CD's or clothes for myself. A trip to Chuck E Cheese's or McDonald's means more than a meal at a fine restaurant, because all of these things show up as a look of amazement and happiness in my daughter's eyes. Life has become mostly about her and her happiness and what she takes out of things, and less about what I want or don't want.

And so here I sit, my crown on my head, my daughter singing and dancing and giving me the occasional hug and kiss on the cheek. Today is not an unusual day or an exceptional one, just another day in my life as a dad. these things that I would have once thought would be embarrassing or uninteresting are now just part of my life, and totally enjoyable. there is not one thing I wouldn't do for my daughter, and to me that is what being a parent is all about. It's not about giving them everything and anything they want, it is about showing them the world and experiencing with them. So that is what I do every day, I am with her, sharing the world and her world. So I am her dad, and also the king of her castle, and there is nothing wrong with that at all...

Closed Minded or Well Informed?

2010-09-02T12:28:00.005-04:00

So a few days ago my wife and I were having a discussion and she called me closed-minded. Now this wasn't a heated discussion or even one of any importance, simply talking about current affairs and the such. So it wasn't that I was hurt or insulted so much as I just didn't agree with her assessment. So of course, being who I am I had to try my best to explain myself (to no avail I am sorry to say).

As anyone who knows me well enough or has read this blog could tell you, I am VERY opinionated. Hell, it is largely because of that trait that I started writing this blog. I don't hide it...in fact I embrace, defend and promote it. To me there is nothing wrong with being opinionated, so long as you are well informed about what it is your opinion is. And that my friends is exactly my defense against my wife's labeling me as "close minded". You see, it's not that I do not listen to or accept other people's theories or opinions. I will listen to any one's side of a particular story, but if I don't agree I will tell you I don't agree, and that disagreement is usually based on some fact.

The other facet of my being opinionated, the part that gets my wife and I'm sure others even more frustrated is that I do not always we things in black and white. To me, you can have differing opinions yet still be right, and I can accept that. You see, I don't ALWAYS have to win in a discussion (I just usually do). For instance, we were discussing charity and my wife's argument was that the particular charity was worth while. I agreed with her, but inserted that in addition to the financial part of the charity they should also be giving the people the tools or information so that they or the people following them would not need the charity going forward (this is a theme that I discussed in my previous post Kick Out the Crutch). Well this frustrated her, because I was not accepting her opinion without adding mine as well. But to me that is the way of the world more times than not. Is there always a right answer? No, there isn't...the right answer is usually a composite of several differing opinions or viewpoints.

You see, I may be opinionated to the highest degree, but I am not closed minded. I am open to many ideas and suggestions. To me, people having differing viewpoints and opinions is what makes this world and especially this country so great. It is what has advanced our society and has gotten us to where we are today. If we all thought the same way and went along with the same ideals, how fun would that be? We all have a mind, and we all think differently based on our life experiences. Now that being said, I know that I am right most of the time. That is not being conceited just confident in myself. I take a great amount of pride in being well informed and well rounded. I like to think that I know a little bit about a lot of things. And bottom line is if I get into a discussion about a certain topic, you can be sure that it is something I know quite a bit about and have studied the facts. And to me, that is the key. If you just go into a discussion half-cocked throwing out statements bases solely on emotion you most likely do not know what the hell you are talking about. But someone who has done their research can hold their own, and will be heard and respected.

So yes, I may be harsh and I may be opinionated, and you may not agree with some of the things that I say, but I am very open to ideas and thoughts. It just so happens that I see things for the bigger picture and have thought of all aspects before entering into a debate. I will respectfully take in differing viewpoints, but at the same time reserve the right to correct anything that is incorrect. But at the same time, and this is very important, I do not hold grudges. just because two people do not agree on something does not mean that they can not be friends or work or live together in harmony. The fact that we all have our own minds and our own beliefs and our own opinions is what makes this world so beautiful. But just be prepare yourself for the fact that I am always right...

I know I am Getting Old

2010-09-01T11:25:00.005-04:00

I know that I am getting old because I find myself doing all the things that old people did when I was younger, all the things I never saw myself doing. I suppose it is something everyone goes through, but it never ceases to amaze one when they are the one going through it. The whole "I never thought I would say the things my parents did" is very cliche, but also so very true. I suppose it's just a part of life, a part of growing up. But it is such a scary realization because it means that we are not kids anymore, and that this life of ours is real.

I now find myself listening to talk radio at least fifty percent of the time I am in my car. sure, I will still blast some heavy metal CD's a lot of the time, but I also am finding more and more that I am listening to talk programs (and not only sports-talk, although that consumes part of time as well). i listen to a New Jersey talk radio station that mixes in comedy with real issues. But the thing I find that keeps me so interested is that so many of the issues they talk about each day I can either relate to or they effect my every day life. I now own a home, pay taxes and have a young child, so the things going on around me have a huge impact on my life now. Things such as where my tax money is going and what kind of education my daughter is going to get are huge things in my life now that I am in my 30's. Ten or fifteen years ago I would have though that listening to such a station was for "old people" and boring. Just a sign that I am getting old.

Another thing I never would have thought I would ever find myself doing was complaining about "these kids". It's the old saying "these kids today, we were never like that". Well not only is it a cliche that we all fall into, but the statement is also very true. Music, as an example, has changed through each generation. To a generation of parents the Beatles and Elvis were "noise", and now their music is not only classic but also considered very mild and mellow to most. And now a lot of the music I used to listen to as a teenager is being played on classic rock stations. But to walk through the mall and look around at the kids and teenagers is what really makes me feel old. Commenting on the clothing options, the lack of discipline, these are the same things that our parents' generation said about us. But at the same time, there is a lot of truth to the whole idea of the next generation not getting it.

So yes, the kids today are rude and dress funny and don't pay attention to the things they should. But neither did we when we were their age, and neither did our parents when they were that age, etc. And as much as we like to envision ourselves as always being hip and trendy and knowing what the coolest things are, fact is once we get older we don't. We start acting like and thinking like our parents, and we start being the "old people". But the key is to do it gracefully, to not lose track of our youth. there is nothing wrong with caring about politics or current events, but also be sure to keep up on the social changes. Sure, we might never be fully in tune with the next generation's style or technology, but we also shouldn't dismiss it just because it is different. Remember, it wasn't that long ago that it was us at the mall and someone else was shaking their head at us...

Move to the Right!

2010-08-31T18:38:00.004-04:00

So this afternoon on my way into work, I am running late because of traffic of course. It doesn't help that it seems as though every main road and highway in the state of New Jersey is under construction. So even though I have a handful of different routes I can take, none of them are really a safe bet. So I am on the NJ Turnpike and there are 3 lanes of traffic struggling to even go the speed limit. As it turns out, I end up behind a car in the left lane who is doing 65 on the dot with not a care in the world. I flash my high beams just once and the car pulls to the middle lane, and I see what appears to be a middle-aged woman lean her hand down the outside of her door and flip me the bird. She then proceeds to move over to the far right lane (yes, where she should have been in the first place).

Now the reason I was dumbfounded that this woman flipped me the bird, is because she was so obviously in the wrong place doing the wrong speed. What possesses people to park in the far left lane of of of the most highly trafficked roads in the country going exactly the speed limit, and then to actually get pissed of when someone suggests that she move over where she should be to begin with? Did no one ever teach this person the rules of the road, never the less driving etiquette? Are people so petty and full of self-worth these days that the mean idea of being told you need to get over brings out such a reaction? Now I speak from first hand experience when it comes to road rage, because trust me I have a serious case of it. But what angers me when driving is stupidity. I am not one who is always in a hurry and has to be at the front of the line all the time. I do not feel the need for speed, and I do not weave in and out of traffic at high speeds. I simply want to get where I am going at a reasonable pace, without having to deal with idiots who do not know how to get along with others. But that seems to be what this world is becoming more and more full of.

Somewhere along the way people have either forgot or not been taught the rule of the road. the whole idea of "keep right except to pass" is not just a suggestion, but A LAW. Yet it is almost never enforced, and way too many people just don't care to follow it. That someone would feel it is their God given right to park in the left lane and damn everyone else is absurd, ad for that same person to get belligerent when flashed to move over is even more so. This is the kind of person whop ends up causing miles and miles of backups, all because they do not want to be stuck behind a tractor trailer (even though they are going the same speed). These people are also a main cause of accidents. When someone drives slowly in the passing lane it causes others to pass on the right, which is a dicey and dangerous situation, especially when there are 3 lanes and you may have two people trying to use the same middle lane to pass at the same time.

It is time that people start respecting each other on the roadways. There would be little to no road rage if we all started driving with respect (AKA move to the right and get the hell out of the way of those who actually have somewhere to be). And please, if you are not in a hurry and if you are scared of other vehicles and you can't stand the mere suggestion that you need to move over, then please just stay home until a person with a higher driving IQ can come and pick you up...

The Slippery Slope

2010-06-23T19:08:00.011-04:00

The continuation towards a total lack of self-responsibility in this great country of ours is in high gear as we speak. The latest, and one of the most absurd, examples is in a potential lawsuit against McDonald's. No, it's not about people spilling shockingly hot coffee on themselves again, but this time over the inclusion of toys in their Happy Meals. Seems as though the CSPI, which claims to be a public watchdog group, is threatening a lawsuit claiming that including toys with Happy Meals is a marketing ploy to lure children into their store and to consume less than healthy foods. As I heard about this lawsuit and read more about it, the more infuriated I got. It seems as though this "free country" of ours is slowly becoming one where parents no longer have the right, or responsibility to raise their children the way they seem fit. If this lawsuit is heard in court, and especially if it is upheld, I am afraid to think of what will be next.

It seems that if it's not the government telling us how we should raise our children, it is the court system allowing lawsuits that basically accomplish the same thing to be heard. We not only live in a country where more and more people are passing the blame of their own bad parenting on to everyone and everything else, but we are allowing the dilution of our legal system by allowing so many frivolous lawsuits to be heard. This nutritional watchdog group that is filing the lawsuit against McDonald's should be spending their time and resources on making sure that businesses are following nutritional guidelines, maintaining healthy facilities, etc. They should not be deciding that it is a restaurant's job to play the role of parent to all American children. And when a suit like this is heard, and worse than that won or settled, it created a domino effect that shifts blame from consumers to the businesses. Was it really McDonald's fault that a woman spilled coffee on herself? And now every take out cup of coffee you get from any fast food joint has a message on it telling you that it's contents are hot. That is like Dairy Queen being forced to print on their cups "Contents are extremely cold". Makes no sense. Yet here we are, wanting to tell McDonald's that they can't include toys in their Happy Meals because it creates childhood obesity. And I still don't see how not including a toy in the meal is going to deter people from feeding their kids fast food. The smaller portions are most likely more of an attraction to parents than the toy is.

So the whole premise is that by including toys in the Happy Meals, and by advertising such (the nerve of a retail company to advertise a product), they are pushing young children to pressure their parents in to buying them these meals. And the implication is that this is fast food, so it is promoting unhealthy eating habits. Now as much as I agree that eating a lot of fast food is unhealthy, for adults as well as children, there are several issues with this thought process. First of all, if a parent is going to buy an extreme amount of Happy Meals for their child simply because the child is begging for the toys, then that is just bad parenting and I would be afraid to know what else their children are allowing them to do. Second, this is a free country, so no one should be forced not to feed their kid something that they want to. It is not the government's or the court's job to parent our children. The "slippery slope" that is so often spoken about is show quite clearly just in these two examples of cases with McDonald's...the allowing of the case of hot coffee eventually leads to the bringing of this lawsuit concerning Happy Meal toys. We allow the courts to tell us we can not make decisions for ourselves. We become a lazy society who sits back and lets the government tell us how to parent our children. These frivolous lawsuit should never be heard by any court.

The sad reality is that it is likely McDonald's will reach a settlement with this organization, where they will change their marketing strategy or the things that they include in the Happy Meals. They will do this in order to prevent possible bad publicity. But I say they should fight it with every bit of resources they have. The fact that something so simple and silly can be made such a big deal, all because we are afraid to stand up and take responsibility for raising our own children. It is as if they are saying "we can not raise our children right in a world with such bad options available", instead of TEACHING our kids how to live a balanced and healthy life. It reminds me of how several years back Camel cigarettes were told they could no longer use Joe Camel in their advertising, because it was construed as marketing smoking to minors. The fact that the caricature of a camel was going to make kids want to smoke any more than the fact that their own parents smoked is absurd, yet no one found that frightening. And the numbers relating to childhood smoking today don't really show that the ban was a success, do they?

There needs to be a movement in this country towards taking back responsibility for our parenting choices. We need to stop blaming everyone else for our children's problem, such as food chains, musicians, actors, medications, the rich, the poor, and the video games. If you are a responsible and engaged parent, you will know what your child is eating, drinking, playing with, listening to...and if it is the wrong thing than it is YOUR FAULT. But even if your kids are doing the wrong thing, it should not be against the law. We are free, and that means free to even make bad choices...

Kick the Crutch Out

2010-05-14T18:29:00.006-04:00

Several years ago I was listening to a radio telethon that was raising money for food banks and the sort in New York. I was intrigued mostly by a guest who ran an organization that not only provided food for those who were in need, but also gave out advice on how to better make ends meet, and offered assistance in reaching these goals. It stuck with me because it makes so much sense, yet is so infrequently the way that help is given out these days. And it goes back to the way I was raised, and to the mentality that generations past had, which was to be self-sufficient and have self pride. These are things that for some reason have been lost in the last few decades in this country, becoming more of nostalgia and less a way of life. Now we are a society of beggars and people who feel things are owed to us, whether or not we have earned them, and it is a mentality that is making us weak.

There is no doubt that many people in this country have tried to do things on their own, but for one reason or the other they can't make ends meet. It is for these people that there are government programs to help assist, whether it be welfare or food stamps or other similar programs. There are also countless privately funded programs such as food banks, homeless shelters, clothing donations, etc. But for many, the reliance on this assistance becomes a crutch, and pretty much a way of life. Along those lines, and in a much larger scale, the United States government has taken what was 6 months of unemployment benefits (which could be extended to 12 months if proper effort to find a job landed none) and prolonged it to 2 years. And now they have approved lengthening those benefits even more because there are so many people out of work. Now as much as I understand the economy is bad and there is less of an abundance of jobs to be found, it is hard to believe that almost 3 million people in this country can not find a suitable job for over 2 years. What it is an example of is the longer you do something for someone, the more they rely on you.

In order to get people to be productive and independent, we need to kick the crutch out from underneath them. If you have a broken leg and need to use crutches to walk, that is understandable. But eventually, your bone heals. The only way to get the strength back in the leg is to start using it, little by little, until eventually you are back on your own, and you don't need the crutches anymore. But if you just continue to use the crutches and refuse to put your foot down and begin the process of healing, you will rely on those crutches forever. It is no different with government or charitable programs. These were designed to help get people back on their feet and get back to being productive citizens, but instead, by design in a lot of ways, have become that wicked crutch that does not go away. People all over the country rely on welfare checks and food stamps as a way of life, instead of a means to get their life back on track. The fault is two fold...on one hand it is human nature to allow yourself to be helped, and in many ways there is an attitude of entitlement forming in the country that "it isn't my fault, and someone needs to take care of me". But the main fault is the fact that as well-intended as most of these programs are, they are merely band aids, with no real forward thinking or plan for the future of those who use them. This has been something I have thought for years needs to be addressed.

It goes to what that food pantry I spoke of had in mind. Sure you want to feed the person who is hungry and can not eat properly, that is very admirable. But why don't we find out why it is that they are hungry to begin with? Are they sick? Did they lose their job? Do they have a disability? What about their family? The idea should not just be to take care of people now and today, but to help them going forward. Instead of a food bank that just feeds homeless people once a day or once a week, how about an organization that gets to the reason they can't eat on their own and try to give them the tools so that one day they can? If we could band together several programs, and also have local businesses tied in, a network of resources could be created that would not only help people in the present, but it would give them the tools they need to guide themselves down a new path. A network of motels or landlords that would rent out a place to live at a reduced cost so long as you are working. Places of business that would give jobs to those in the program. Local colleges and vocational schools that would give free or affordable classes to those who enlisted in the network. Surely this is something that could happen.

The same thing applies to welfare and unemployment benefits. It used to be in order to continue getting an unemployment check you would need to apply for a certain amount of jobs each week and show proof that you were not accepted. But now it is at a point where you can just check in online and still get your check. With welfare, we have created a way of life, a system where people live off of their welfare check and food stamps and do not go out and finds a primary income on their own. Is this all people? Not at all...but it is a good enough amount to where it is draining our resources. But again, these are people that could very well be productive members of their communities, if only they were forced to be. Laziness is something that will take hold if the opportunity is presented. If you do not allow people to use charity and government assistance as a way of life, but instead make it something that is to be earned, then you would see a lot of people turning their lives around and who knows what they could become.

If companies, charities, and government agencies would all work together to guide those who need help so that they can become self-sufficient citizens, we would all be better for it. Too many times we see those less fortunate as "bums" and "homeless" and figure their books have been written. Most feel that they do not want any more out of life. I have a hard time believing that. I truly believe that if given the resources and guidance many people could get their lives back on track, and be a benefit to the community. All it takes is to kick the crutch out and make them get their strength back...

About My Wife

2010-05-13T22:43:00.006-04:00

This past Sunday was Mother's day, a day we spend taking care of and reflecting on those women in our lives that mean the most to us and have raised their children without any consideration for themselves. It got me thinking about my wife, and how in the last two years things have changed in our lives since having our daughter. It got me thinking about how she has changed, yet how she has remained the same as before she was a mom. How I feel about her now compared to how I felt about her before. So many things that seem to always go untold, but the feelings have always been there.

My wife is one of the most stubborn people I know...and I am very stubborn myself so I know the signs quite well. She is also one of the most selfless people I have ever known, always has been. And most importantly, she is the most loving woman I have ever met. All these things are what gave her a predisposition to be a wonderful mother. From the day we found out she was pregnant and that we were going to be parents she was intent on being the best mother she could be. As cool and collected as I was and took all the planning in stride, she was a nervous wreck and questioned everything. But it was her way of being prepared. And even through the many moments of self doubt that she had during her pregnancy, I always knew that she was more than well prepared for motherhood. So when our precious daughter was born, my wife may have changed from Jessica to Mommy, and her priorities may have shifted just a bit, but she was still the same amazing woman that always made me feel so special. Just now her main focus turned to our baby.

The stubbornness I spoke of came about shortly after delivery, as she was intent on nursing as long as she could, which she did. It continued several months later when she started to make and freeze our own baby food as she had planned on during her pregnancy. She was, and still is, constantly reading book s and magazines and online articles trying to learn as much as she can about parenting and how to be a great parent. She had set her mind at being a wonderful mother and she has been way more than that from day one. I see the time she puts in with our daughter, how she not only plays with her and has fun, but how she teaches her life lessons. And I see the adoration that my little girl has for her mommy in her face every time she sees her. And I know look and feeling, because it is the same one that I have had since I have know her.

As wonderful a companion and wife as she is, she is just as much a mother, if not more. The love that I felt for her for all the things she had done for me before, I now feel that even more when I see her channel that energy towards our daughter. There is something about seeing a person go without in an effort to give their child everything possible. As much as my wife has kept her independence and individuality and remained a professional woman, she is first and foremost a mom. She worries that she isn't spending enough time with her daughter when she is at work, yet sees the benefit of of having her own adult time. She enjoys stopping on the way home from work to pick up a little something special for her daughter "just because". She loves saying "she is her mother's daughter" to anyone who will listen. She has taken this motherhood thing and embraced it, and in turn gotten more satisfaction out of it than anything I have ever seen while I have known her.

And the thing that makes my wife so special, is that with so much of her time and energy spend being Mommy she is still my wife. She still does the little things that tell me she loves me. She still enjoys spending time together, even if it is not as much time as we used to have. She is not only a mother, but she is a strong, beautiful woman. And being a great mom just makes me look at her not in a new light, but in a brighter one. I always knew she would be a special mother, but the best part is that I get to watch her each and every day. And as proud as I am of her and what she means to our daughter, I know that I am the lucky one for having her in my life...

The Greatest Gift

2010-05-11T21:37:00.003-04:00

Something hit me this morning when I woke to the sound of my two year old daughter giggling, I walked into her room, she looked at me from her bed and said "Hi Daddy!". It was the most simple of moments, yet so full of meaning. With that phrase my heart gushed, my eyes welled, and my chest filled with pride. Not that I didn't already feel this way, but it was that simple moment that confirmed to me that being a father is the greatest gift in the world.

I had been somewhat selfish most of my life growing up, not in the sense that I was all about me so much as just did what I wanted when I wanted it. Bought things I didn't need, went places I wanted to go to, basically lived life for me. Then a little over 2 years ago my daughter, Samantha Shea, was born, and that life as I knew it came to an abrupt end. It's not something that was thought about or decided, it just happens. In that one moment that she began to breath the same air as the rest of us, she became my life and my reason for being here. Now, I may want things, but I don't always get them, or feel the need to get them. Now instead of going away for the weekend with my wife or vacationing in the Caribbean, I go to Sesame Place and actually enjoy it. When my wife asks me sometime in November what I want for Christmas I struggle for answers, because in all honesty I am only concerned with making my daughter happy and seeing the joy in her face as she opens her gifts. Life has changed, and changed for the better no doubt about it.

It is hard to put into words what being a parent is like, and I think even harder to explain what being the Dad of a little girl is about. It is something that we all know is important on many levels, protective, caring, strength. But deep down there is something that escapes words. As much as you want to protect her and hold her close so that nothing or no one hurts her, you also want to do everything you can to make her a strong woman. As much as you want her to be Daddy's little tomboy and know all about your favorite teams, you also want her to be the little lady that is the most beautiful in her class. It is a contradiction of sorts, yet all comes from just wanting her to be the best person she can be.

Because of my work schedule I have the great fortune of being able to be home with my daughter during the morning and afternoon. This is something that I welcomed, and something that I treasure each and every day. Sure, it is tough when I am sick and just want to stay in bed, yet she keeps pulling at my arm telling me "Daddy up!". But I can not imagine what life would be like if I did not get to spend the time with her that I do. As much as I teach her about how to count and spell and play, I honestly do think that she teaches me more. She has taught me patience, which has never been my strong point. She has taught me humility, as I do not mind changing diapers and sharing child care tips with other moms and dads. But what she has taught me more than anything, is selflessness. My life is about her and my wife, and not about me. I honestly can not remember what life was like before she was born, and I shudder at the thought of what life will be like when she is old enough to go to school and will no longer be around the house when I am home during the day. But that one phrase, "Hi Daddy!", has way more meaning and way more weight than anything that I have every heard. Because of her, I feel like my life has meaning, and for that I thank her and I thank my wife for giving me this gift...

Illegal is Illegal

2010-04-27T23:07:00.005-04:00

Several days ago the state of Arizona passed a law authorizing police to request proof of residence from anyone have a reasonable suspicion of being in the country illegally. This has since sparked the latest protests from immigrants and their supporters, claiming civil rights abuse and the legalization of racial profiling. It is reminiscent of the "Day Without an Immigrant" movement several years ago, where illegal immigrants tried to band together and not work for a day to show the country their value to the economy of America. The problem with that movement was that in turn it caused more outrage from legal Americans and has since made people in this country more focused on fixing the immigration problems we are facing. So in other words, it backfired. The outcries against this Arizona law are just as misguided, and I believe will further demonstrate the people of this country's desire to expand such laws nationwide.

What no one in the mass media seems to be bringing up or emphasizing in this whole debate is the fact that we are talking about people who are in this country ILLEGALLY. By definition these are people who should not be in the country, and therefor they do not have the same rights as American citizens do. The President can try to change the wording of what he calls these people, but it doesn't change the fact that they came here without proper permission or background checks, and the majority are living under the radar and not paying into our tax system.

My other issue with this is also tied into the whole "Immigration Reform" debate that has been talked about for the last several years, where certain groups want to give amnesty to those here illegally. Most people, including the media and special interest groups assume when talking about illegal immigrants we are automatically talking about Hispanic people. But that simply is not the case as a whole. An illegal immigrant can be from Mexico as well as Russia, Pakistan, China, or anywhere else in the world. The majority of the men that hijacked the planes on September 11th were here illegally from countries in the Middle East. So think about it, any amnesty that is given to illegals not only allows Hispanics (which we assume are hard working, harmless people) but also any possible terrorists that may be here also. Do we really want to have an open door policy for anyone who wants to come into this country? We can not pick and choose who are the good immigrants and who are the bad ones, it's all or nothing. That is the basic reason why we have a process to enter the country and to become a citizen. I understand the desire for those who are struggling in other countries to come to America to make a new start, but how fair is it to those who go through the proper channels when there are so many that bypass the law and then cry for rights?

As far as the Arizona law, the one thing that I keep going back to is how outraged people are that the police now have the right to demand proof of residence. To me, the only ones who would feel threatened by this would be those who have something to hide and are actually here illegally. If you have nothing to hide, why would you care? So that is like saying "I am a criminal, but you can not ask me if I am a criminal". How much sense does that make? And so if you are here legally and are asked to show proof, you should have no problem showing proof. My wife is of Hispanic descent but was born here, so if we were driving through Arizona and pulled over and she was asked for proof of residence, she has her driver's licence and Social Security card. No harm, no foul. So I do not understand how we somehow have gotten to the point in this country where we have laws yet are guilted into not enforcing them, as to not hurt anyone's feelings. I am in no way against anyone from any country coming to America to start a new and better life. But there is a process and if you don't follow it you might possibly be caught and sent back to the country where you belong. I do not find that nasty or cruel, it is only following the law. So please, think about the term Illegal Immigrant and then tell me what Arizona has done that is so wrong...

No Crime, Yet Still Punishable?

2010-04-21T01:05:00.006-04:00

I have become very disturbed by what I have been hearing and reading and spoken about over the last several weeks concerning Ben Roethlisberger and possible action being taken against him by the National Football League. Now my outrage might not be at what most would think. those who know me know that I have always been very critical of professional athletes and celebrities who get themselves in trouble with the law. to me, with all the money these people make and the resources at their fingertips there is no excuse for a DUI and no reason to be hanging out with thugs and carrying guns. Why then, am I so upset by what has been going on with this case you ask? Because this situation is far different than that of Michael Vick or Donte Stallworth or Mel Gibson. In those cases you had rich professionals who were arrested for and convicted of crimes. All of those situations were a case of someone doing something they shouldn't have and being caught. The Roethlisberger situation is different, way different, yet the media and even sports apologists are chastising an athlete for something that he was accused of yet never charged with. For some reason which I can not fathom, this person has been found guilty in the court of public opinion, when in so many other cases the opposite is true.

Roethlisberger was out bar hopping with some friends in Georgia last month when he is alleged to have sexually assaulted a 20 year old college student in the bathroom of a bar. He was never arrested, and after weeks of investigating the local District Attorney declined to file any charges. It also came out that the alleged victim asked the DA not to file charges because she did not want to go through a long trial. But since this decision numerous details have come out about the night in question and what Ben was accused of. Problem is, these details are only one person's story (a drunk person at that), and even the statements given to police by the accuser seem vague and open to interpretation. She claims she was ushered to a back hallway by one of Ben's bodyguards, then when Ben made advances towards her she said it wasn't a good idea, to which he said it was okay. She also then makes the statement that "he had sex with me", not "he then raped me". She then went on to say that when he was done he left the room and didn't say anything. Now all of these things, I agree, sound like the actions of a creep, of a guy who does not know how to treat a woman and is only out for his own gratification. But at the same time, in of itself is that a crime? Is it a crime to be a single guy who goes to bars and has drunk sex with random women? No, it isn't. As much as I agree this isn't what you would want your son to do, their has been nothing proven to say that Roethlisberger did anything wrong or especially illegal. he may not win Man of the Year awards or be well liked by women's advocacy groups, but it also does not, or should not effect his job status. Yet the NFL commissioner has had harsh words for Ben, and it is expected that he will levy a fine and/or suspension against him soon. I just don't get it.

Michael Vick was arrested for, lied about, and eventually plead guilty to running a dog fighting ring and participating in the execution of dogs. Donte Stallworth was arrested for and plead guilty of driving drunk and hitting and killing a man. Plaxico Burress was arrested for and plead guilty to carrying a loaded weapon in a New York City nightclub and shooting himself in the leg with it. Matt Jones was arrested for Cocaine possession. These are all situations that are different than the Roethlisberger case because of one thing: he was never arrested or charged with anything. The one thing I have always been amazed by is how an elite athlete making millions of dollars can go out drinking and then drive his own car. All that money and you would think they would pay someone to drive for them, just to avoid any possible situations. Yet here is a guy who is not out driving himself, drinking with friends and yes, had sex in a bar bathroom with someone he just met. while it may not be what most people consider appropriate behavior, it is by far not illegal.

Twenty or thirty years ago if an athlete was out in a bar womanizing it wouldn't even be reported, because they weren't considered "celebrities". Yet with the salaries that the modern athlete makes now most are now tied in with the celebrity crowd and are followed and reported on daily. Mickey Mantle was a big time drinker and womanizer, so much that it shortened an already amazing career. Babe Ruth caroused just about every night yet was a national hero and considered a role model. Even Michael Jordan had a gambling problem and cheated on his wife very publicly, yet is considered a national treasure and icon. There was also the case of Kobe Bryant several years ago, where he was accused of raping a female worker at a resort he was staying at. And although charges were eventually dropped in that case, the entire time the proceedings were going on Bryant was practicing and playing with his basketball team night in and night out. so my point in all of this is why is Roethlisberger being treated so differently? Yes, you can bring up the fact that he was accused of rape last year, yet those accusations came a year after the alleged assault and the DA there also refused to file charges. To most who followed it, it appeared to be a woman that wanted more who decided to get paid off by a rich athlete.

So what is it that makes this case so different? Is it because he is a big star and the face of a historic franchise? Is it because the media and public are so tired of all the public debauchery that they want to make an example of someone? I honestly am still searching for the answer. As far as I have always been taught, people in this country are innocent until proven guilty. So if the authorities did not find substantial evidence to charge this person with any crime it seems to me there should be no further action in the private sector. The main difference between the examples I laid out prior and this one is that in those cases there was no doubt a crime had been committed, it was simply a matter of judging whether or not those people were responsible for it. In the Roethlisberger case there is still a question whether or not anything criminal even happened. It is a matter of her word versus his, and it is up to authorities to determine that. So how can others decide that he is guilty when those trained to make those types of decisions say there was no crime? I am all for those we watch on Sundays staying off the police blotter, but if we take every claim of sexual assault and immediately assume the person is guilty, what is to keep anyone from making up accusations just to get money out of it? I agree that what happened that night in it's simplest form was not what you would expect out of an elite athlete, but then again who are we to say what they should do? Why just because they make millions of dollars should they not go out and have fun and even make bad decisions, so long as they stay within the law?

With media coverage growing by the day, and every step celebrities and athletes take being recorded, it is for sure that many more cases of bad behavior and criminal activity will be reported on. On many cases an example needs to be made of those who think they are above the laws and rules because of their profession. But we set a very scary precedent by assuming guilt just because someone might not be a squeaky clean person. We need to let law enforcement do their jobs. But when we take sides in a he said-she said, we head down a slippery slope...

A Wonderful Birthday Gift

2010-02-18T18:54:00.004-05:00

For my birthday this January, my wife presented me with an airline ticket to visit my family in Florida, by myself. She explained that the reason for this was because of my job working at night and watching my daughter during the day, I do not get to have much time for myself and this was a chance for me to get away and just be me. Great, so I am looking forward to the week with family and friends back home, although a little bummed not to be sharing the time with my wife and child. But my two brothers tell me not to make any plans for the weekend, and not to ask them what we are doing. So of course my mind is going in a million directions wondering what they have planned...to the point that I finally stop trying to figure it out and just go with it (as anyone who knows me well enough would know how hard that was for me).

So the night I arrive in Florida I go to dinner with my parents and two brothers. At some point my older brother hands me a handful of papers, which in order spell out a story about how they were considering what to do while I was visiting. The surprise was that I was going on a 3 night cruise to the Bahamas with my two brothers. I was just as shocked by this as I was with my wife's presenting me with an airline ticket. My brothers had both been on cruises before, but this was to be my first. Once the shock wore off, I was totally excited. My wife knew the plans, and had packed a few extra things that I was going to need for the cruise without my knowledge. So the next morning we were off for Miami to hit the high seas.

It all happened so fast that I never really was able to think about just how meaningful it was to be able to do this with my brothers. W e were always close growing up, not best of buddies but always did things together. Of course with three of us there was usually sides being taken here and there, and constant bickering, but never anything serious or nasty. But as we have all gotten older we have become a lot closer. All of us have our own lives, and my wife and I live in New Jersey as opposed to the two of them still in Florida, but we talk a frequently and see each other as much as possible. But still, to be able to spend 3 nights on a cruise ship, just us, no parents or wives or girlfriends, or even cell phones or computers, was such a great bonding opportunity.

From the time we got onto the ship there was really no plan. They asked what I wanted to do, and I said I was just there to do as much or as little as we wanted, no plans, no pressure. We ate, we drank (a lot), we gambled, we smoked cigars, we saw comedy shows. We met some very cool people, and we talked a lot. The thing I noticed was how time really seemed to stand still while on the ship. At one point my younger brother and I spent 2 hours in a hot tub talking with numerous groups of people, drinking beer and just enjoying the sun. One night he and I actually closed down the last bar that was open at 4 AM. Another night my older brother and I closed down the casino playing blackjack for what must have been 3 hours or so. We watched playoff football at one of the bars on board, I ate sushi for the first time, and we walked around the streets of Nassau, Bahamas. It was truly a great time spent between three brothers. I can not say enough about how meaningful it was to be able to bond like we did, to just get away and enjoy spending time together.

To think, that the entire reason that I was able to have this opportunity to go on that trip with my brothers was because my wife cared enough about me to want me to have some time for myself. She set it all in motion by being selfless and wanting me to get away from life a bit and just think about me. And everyone we met on the cruise when I told them why we were on the trip together, they all said how great of a wife I had for doing that for me. It was such a shock, and such a whirlwind, but at the end of the day one of the nicest and most meaningful things anyone has ever done for me. And for my brothers to think as much of me to take me out on a cruise, that is also something I can never repay them for. Not the money or the adventure as much as just the time we were able to spend together, the opportunity to see each others in a different light. I would love to make this a tradition, because it is so important to family, especially siblings, to stay close and connected. Here's hoping this was just one of many Hayman Brother Retreats...

Waiting for the Next Musical Icon

2009-09-18T18:27:00.012-04:00

I was watching a documentary the other night about the making of the album "The Doors", and it really made me think about the landscape of music today. Here was a band, The Doors, who had been huge on the LA club scene, and when they released their debut album in 1967 it made such an impact on people and on pop culture. Here was a band that recorded an album through practically all live takes and over a week's time. This is an album that to this day remains relevant and fresh. What the Doors did was take their live energy, charisma and musical talent and bring it across at a time where nothing quite like it was being heard over the radio. This was at a time when the hippy culture was in full force, and it brought an alternative to the "peace and love" vibe that was so popular. But as dark as the lyrics could be and as wild as Jim Morrison's behavior was, the music stood on it's own and still does to this day. Unfortunately it is hard to find this kind of earth-changing, emotion-stirring music anymore. Sure, artists have come up along the way that have revolutionized music and a few that have forever left their print on the music industry, but I can't help but feel that the surprises and moments of awe are due to be few and far between anymore.

The problem with music today is that there are so many genres, so many record companies and so many different outlets. Sure, this is a great thing as far as everyone can find something they like and it is so easy to get new music, but at the same time the industry seems so diluted. There is so much to be heard, so many genres and sub-genres that some really amazing bands could take years to be discovered by the mainstream, if at all. Don't get me wrong, I think having so many choices is a great thing, but to find that "diamond in the rough" is almost never heard of today. Artists are hyped so much before they come out that there is nowhere to go but down at times. Sure, history is full of One-Hit Wonders, but in these days of iTunes and Napster and file sharing people can just purchase the one song and not have to deal with the rest of the tracks on the album. Problem is sometimes those deep tracks are the real musical gems. To go back to The Doors, the last track was a song called "the End", a nearly 12 minute track that was perhaps their most eclectic piece ever, and it was noticed and heralded even though it was never released as a single. Now if that album was released today very few people would even hear that song, and that is the shame of the music scene today.

I think back over my limited time on earth and certain musicians come to mind that shook the industry and really made people re-think music. Elvis brought together rock & roll and blues, the Beatles made simple music with smart lyrics that appealed to the masses. The Doors and Led Zeppelin brought raw music and deep lyrics to a time when simple, happy music was dominant. The Clash and Sex Pistols popularized punk music, which was a welcomed adversary to the Disco scene that had become so big and void of emotion and feeling. Metallica emerged in the 80's as a thrash metal band that got next to no airplay on the radio, yet their amazing sound and energy-filled concerts rose them to mythical status by the end of the decade driven by mostly word of mouth. And in the 90's Nirvana came out with a simple, dark sound that no one had quite heard before and again changed the way people looked at and thought of music. The thing these artists all have in common is not only was their music new and fresh, but it became part of the fabric of it's time and caught on with the popular culture. Since Nirvana, who has had this type of impact? Sure, there are a lot of musicians and groups that are making great music, a lot of which I really enjoy. But there isn't that iconic person or band, no one who has changed how we look at music or has had mass appeal across social and racial lines.

Other categories of music have had the same thing happen over time. Rap had Grand Master Flash, Run DMC, and the Beastie Boys who all brought this new musical style to the mainstream in their own unique way. Country had Waylon Jennings, Hank Williams, Reeba and Garth Brooks, all of which brought their music to the attention of those who ordinarily weren't following country music. And Michael Jackson and Madonna both became pop music icons in the 80's, each with their unique musical style. But since then there have been plenty of talented artists, but none who has stood out as being an icon of American music.

So the question is, will we ever see that iconic artist arrive that blows us all away and gives us something that once we hear it we wonder how we ever lived without it, or have all the good ideas been discovered? As a lover of music, there are a lot of people who move me today. The problem I see is that the music industry is trying too hard to find "the next big one" that it's hard for a musician to break naturally, unexpectedly as The Doors did in the late 60's. The music today, most notably pop music, seems so forced and overproduced. There are many bands that are forced into the mainstream so fast that after one album they flicker away. There are others who spend much time as relative unknowns before finally hitting mainstream success, such as Kings of Leon, who after 4 albums and nearly 10 years have become one of the more unique groups in a while. And then you have a band like Pearl Jam, who broke out in the mid 90's and continue to make music, but in time have faded from the mainstream because they did not agree with the standard practices of the music industry, mainly concert ticket and album prices.

The cynic in me says music has become too specialized and too diluted with talent to ever give us that new iconic figure or group, yet the music lover in me hopes that I am wrong. Music is what lives in me, it is what gets my blood flowing. I see music as the timeline of my life, and I feel that music also marks the timeline of the world's life also. It can speak for a generation, and can heal a generation. So even if that new musical icon doesn't come along in my lifetime, I will enjoy all that is our there to listen to, and I will continue to be inspired...

Open Letter to New Jersey Voters

2009-09-01T01:49:00.007-04:00

This coming November, the people of New Jersey have a choice to make. We will be asked to vote for who will be the Governor of this state for the next four years. Now to many, this election is no big deal, it is not something they have ever done or think they will ever care about doing. To many the statement echoed most is "they are all the same". As sometimes that may be the case, this election is different. This election, action must be taken or else the slow decline of this state is sure to continue beyond repair.

If there is anyone who is happy with the way that the state of New Jersey has been run the last four years I would love to talk to them. If there is anyone living here who feels that the standard of life in the Garden State has improved over Jon Corzine's tenure I would love to pick their brain and find out how. As bad as things have been in the past, the last four years have brought this state to a new level, to a new low that we can not allow to get worse. Some say that Chris Christie, the Republican candidate running against Corzine brings more of the same, that he is as corrupt as the next person, that he isn't going to be able to make a difference. People are starting to say that they aren't going to vote at all because they don't like either candidate. But these thoughts are so flawed, and they are the kinds of actions (or lack thereof) that will allow this state to continue it's free fall past the fiscal point of no return. The idea that a proven failure is a better choice than a possible failure is ludicrous.

Jon Corzine ran for the office of Governor by campaigning that he was going to lower taxes and help the state of New Jersey get out of fiscal decline and debt because of his financial background and prowess. Instead, what the citizens of this state have gotten is a Governor who several years ago shut all state-run entities, including the casinos, down because he could not pass a fiscal budget through assembly. A Governor who tried to pass a piece of legislature that would hike the tolls on our major highways by nearly 600% over time, when in their inception the tolls were supposed to eventually go away. This Governor has been found to have colluded with the then head of the State Worker's Union, who was at the time also his girlfriend. He has also held back 2008 Property Tax Rebates to help fill the debt in the state budget, and already announced the same will be done to the 2009 rebates. The already ridiculously high alcohol tax has been raised this year, ans property taxes are already planned to be raised in 2010. All of this, while at the same time pandering to the state workers union and teacher's union, without which he would have almost no chance at re-election.

So comes this frightening thought of actually electing a Republican Governor, who during his term as State Attorney has been key in bringing to justice countless public officials on corruption charges. So much of this fear is based on the liberal feelings of most voters in this state. New Jersey is also heavily unionized, most notably the aforementioned teacher's and state worker's unions. And why this fear? It's based on the fact that the Republican party is historically not in favor of pandering to the wants and demands of these unions. But a large part of why the state is in such financial straits is because of the black hole which is union salaries and benefits. The usefulness of unions as a whole, which is a subject in it's own which I will not get into now, has long past us by. Yet for some reason they seem to be a key part of why the great state of New Jersey can not rescue itself.

The key factor in the race for Governor is who is best suited to lead this state in the right direction over the next four years. You can say what you want about one candidate being more corrupt than the other, how this one or that one panders to special interests or takes care of their friends while in office. The bottom line is we have seen what Jon Corzine has done for this state so far. We have seen that he has shied away from confronting his corrupt colleagues, while Chris Christie has brought many of them down. We have seen how Corzine's answer for fixing the hole our over sized government has caused in our budget is to raise taxes for the ever-shrinking middle class, while Christie's plans are to start by downsizing our state government and cut unnecessary spending.

So please, come November make sure that you go out to vote, because without a voice there can be no change. And also remember that you can not predict what someone will do once given the chance, but you can sure know what someone has done over the last four years. Wake up, look around, and see what has been done under Jon Corzine's control, and please do not vote for another four years of it, because chances are we will all be worse off for it in the end...

A Call for an Honest Media

2009-08-28T12:50:00.006-04:00

As I surf the channels on TV, going from news outlet to news outlet, I am troubled by what I see. It seems as though the political influences over the media are becoming more and more powerful, and at the same time more and more phony. The national media is beginning to show signs of why the majority of people are turning to internet outlets to get their news and insight. Now I am a registered Independent voter, partly because my beliefs fall on both sides of party lines and partly because I do not feel like supporting either group financially as one is just as corrupt as the other. But what I have started to see more and more recently is that the liberals in this country, especially the media, are seeing, if not only speaking, with blinders on.

As more and more people in this country are starting to get uneasy over the amounts of money being thrown away with issues they do not believe in and fears of a more costly health care system, I see a dangerous theme being played through the media. Yes they are reporting the unrest, but the stories are lined with innuendo that this is all orchestrated by the Republican party and that it is all a scare tactic. You also hear a loud sentiment that those causing this stir are only doing so because they want to see the Obama administration fail. These thoughts are totally preposterous! The fact is people are beginning to get worried because they see their jobs being lost and their income shrinking yet their expenditures increase. Taxes are going up and up with no end in sight, and every "improvement" and "bailout" the White House approves means more taxpayer money. Yet instead of reporting just the facts, the liberal media and hardcore Democrats try to mask these issues with ideas of racism and party bias.

I am not going to say that some of this is not true, because I will admit there are plenty of extreme right wingers who are racist and who will never support this President. But those people are few and far between anymore. For the most part, people in this country regardless of their political beliefs want what is best for this country and for themselves. We want job opportunities, money in our pockets and a government that is going to protect us and our interests. Regardless of who is in power in the White House, they are going to make good decisions and they are going to make bad decisions. Every President is going to have times where a large group might not agree with one or several of their policies. This is politics, this is democracy. God knows that people criticized George W. Bush for many things, most of them rightfully so. Yet when their is criticism towards Barack Obama the media and Democrats alike get on the defensive and cry foul and racism. This is not only unhealthy, but it is so plainly transparent. When people stand up and say they are tired of banks and car manufacturers getting handouts while the rest of us are squeezed even tighter, I don't feel like that is a racist or even a partisan complaint. The people of this country have legitimate reasons to be worried about their own financial situation, and the media needs to report that fairly and accurately.

The bottom line is all who serve our country need to be held to the same standards. Because George Bush was considered such a terrible leader does not give this President a free pass. When your policies and goals have our estimated national debt four years from now to be double what you inherited, that says something and it needs to be reported fairly and accurately. When you signed a "stimulus package" that totalled almost $800 billion, and it's main focus besides special interests is funding road and infrastructure projects, there are a lot of questions that need to be raised. The vast majority of people have seen and will see no financial benefits from this package. Yet it has come and gone and the mainstream media did little to question how this got passed knowing it is not going towards the everyday person's fight for a better life. In addition, you did not hear an outcry from the media outlets about how so many billions of dollars were paid out to GM with next to no guidelines, and in turn they ended up filing for bankruptcy and now the government has ownership in the company with US the taxpayers as the ones at risk to lose money from it. And again, it does not matter what side of party lines you fall on, the fact is the story needs to be explored from both sides, not just one while the other is left blank.

So next time you watch CNN or MSNBC make sure you then log on to your computer, type in the topics you saw and read some of the articles that pop up on the web. You will be surprised what you find might be different from what the TV told you, or it might be the same only with a more in depth detail. And whichever side you fall on, no matter your beliefs, do yourself and this country a favor and be a well informed voter. Just because you voted for Barack Obama does not mean that every choice he makes is the right one for the country, just ask all the people who voted for George W. Bush...

Let Kids be Kids

2009-08-20T02:28:00.013-04:00

Okay, so is it just me or are kids being raised these days with absolutely no skills that are going to help them become well adjusted adults in the future? I see it and hear it every day. It's like we are so afraid to upset our children or have them suffer or want for everything, that they are growing up not knowing the facts of life and hard realities. My fear is that these children that are growing up today have no idea how to get along in the real world, and they are the ones who will be taking care of my generation when we get older. We are raising a generation of children who are coddled so much and we shield them from disappointment. I have my suspicions on why we are doing this, but I am also afraid of the direction it is leading us in.

I saw a disturbing segment several months ago on HBO's Real Sports with Bryant Gumble. In the piece, they highlighted how schools across the country are starting to ban activities such as Tag and Dodgeball. These are games that go back decades; who doesn't recall playing these at school and/or summer camp when they were younger? Well it seems as though certain educators feel that these games are a danger to our children, both physically and mentally. There is the danger of a child tripping and falling during a violent game of Tag, or a possible welt from a well directed ball during a heated round of Dodgeball. But besides the physical hard, we are told of the mental scars a game such as Dodgeball can inflict on our precious little angels. The fear is that a child is being taught that if you get hit with the ball you are out and you lose. The fear of intimidation. All these things that I must have somehow blocked out of my conscious mind, because I took out of it that Dodgeball was a fun activity that promoted competition, physical movement and coordination. I must have been one of the lucky ones that escaped my years of Dodgeball hell without any mental scars.

Also in the segment on HBO was a Phys Ed teacher who instead of having his students jump rope, he had they go through the motions without actually using a rope. The whole point was that they can skip the imaginary rope as little or as much as they desire without having the failure of tripping on the rope. I suppose somewhere hiding among us are people just stewing inside because of the shame and disappointment of getting their feet caught up in a jump rope when they were children, right? Once again I was one of the lucky few who escaped only taking out of if hand to eye coordination and the art of exercise. In addition, there was a woman who I wanted to jump through the TV screen and strangle. She was a principle at a school in Arizona who declared her elementary school a "no touch zone". In other words, no child is allowed to touch another student AT ALL. This means hugging, high fives, whatever. They play "shadow tag", where instead of tagging each other they tag one's shadow, and give each other "air five". And the way the woman smirked and giggled when asked about the insanity of these rules, it just made me sick to my stomach.

We are creating an entire generation of sissies...children who experience no failure and do not know what it feels like to have their feelings hurt. Many schools around the country now forbid teachers from grading papers with red ink. The reason for this is because the color red supposedly relays anger and is intimidating. So God forbid children get upset when they read the corrections on a paper they turn in. Supposedly we all grew up bitter and shameful because whenever we got a paper back with red corrections on it we shuttered and hid in shame. This also goes along with many youth athletics in where the games or competitions end without a winner or a loser. And in the rare cases where they do declare a victor, the losers are also given an award or are said to have come in "second" as opposed to being labeled the loser. Somehow we have lost our competitive edge in this country. No wonder other countries around the world have closed the gap, if not taken over the lead when it comes to sports and industry. We are so afraid of hurting our kids feelings that we are holding them back.

My suspicion as to why we are doing this to our children today is because of the old adage "give your children a better life than you had". Now I am all for that simple desire, to try and give your kids every opportunity you didn't have, to instill in them the wisdom you gained from your experiences both positive and negative. But are people, especially educators and lawmakers not going overboard in order to shield our youth from any possible negative experience? After all, has anyone not heard the adage "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" or "learn from your mistakes"? We are bastardizing life so as to take away any chance at our kids failing, so that when they are in the real world and have to deal with failure they do not know what to do. I am all for giving our children a better life, but we can not take away the possibilities of the disappointments we endured in our youth from them. Kids need to live life, they need to be kids, they need to get bumps and bruises and get their feelings hurt, so that they can learn how to deal with it. Because God knows that as adults they will have plenty of disappointments and hurt, and if they don't know how to cope they will end up the ones shooting up a school or hurting themselves because they have no other outlet.

So please, let's not continue on this ridiculous path we are going down when it comes to the sheltering of our children. Yes, we all cherish our kids and want what's best for them. But by holding them back and not teaching them how to deal with losing and disappointment and shame, we are raising a generation who knows not emotion. We do not want a nation of robots, so please allow our kids to be kids...

Let Your Voice be Heard

2009-08-19T02:07:00.007-04:00

There was a record voter turn out for the 2008 Presidential election, and along with it came a sense that people wanted to begin to have their own say in how this country is run. As good as that turn out was, there still lies a great problem in this country when it comes to the very essence of our political system, and our own well being for that matter. Yes, it was and always will be very important for as many as possible to register to vote and have their voice heard every four years when the presidency is decided. But what is being missed year after year, term after term, is that there is a lot more to politics than deciding who the next president will be. In fact, those who are voted into local, city, state and congressional positions can be just as, and in some cases are more, important than the presidency. Sure this may sound crazy to some, but allow me to explain.

The President is thought to be the most powerful person in the country, and rightfully so. But he is far from the most important. The President can not make law or policy by himself. For that he needs the blessing of elected congressmen and women, from appointed judges and cabinet members. Those senators and representatives are voted on by the same people who vote for the President, only in most if not all cases far less of us vote in those elections. It then trickles down to the state level, in which more laws and policies effect our day to day lives than anything at the federal level. Your state income tax (if any), your state sales tax, your alcohol and tobacco taxes, your gas taxes, the costs of registering your car/boat/motorcycle, all these things are driven by state politics. Then you get to the local level, where you have mayors or town councils that decide on things such as school taxes and property taxes. Again, these are things that effect our every day lives much more than anything that is agreed upon in Washington. These are the things that most, if not all, people complain about on a daily basis. Why then are most of these elections ignored by the majority of people?

I must admit, I have been just as guilty in the past as the next person as far as overlooking the local elections. I suppose the thing about them is they are not as sexy as the national elections, and the names aren't usually as familiar to us. And then there is the overwhelming feeling of "my vote isn't going to change anything", or as is a popular sentiment in New Jersey where I live "they are all crooks anyway, what's the difference?". Well it is about time we stop feeling this way. It's time that we as a collective whole wake up and realize that our future is in our own hands. It may sounds cheesy, but it is the truth. Forget the rhetoric and all the political mumbo-jumbo...it is time we take back control and begin to take stock in our lives.

By continuously voting in the same people we are making them rich and the majority of us poorer. You don't have to read the newspaper from cover to cover or learn a whole new political vocabulary to be able to make informed decisions, all you need is to pay attention and know the facts. I admit that with the propaganda that each side throws back and forth it can be hard to know truth from fantasies, but if you pay attention you will know. But the one thing that needs to be done is for people to start to care again. Complaining about how things are going means nothing when you had no part in deciding who is making all the decisions.

To me, there needs to be a change in the way the general public sees politics. The majority see politics as something that the older generation care about and talk about over coffee at the diner. But the reality is it effects the younger generations more than the elderly. We are the ones who have the longest left here, the ones who will be paying taxes longer. But we are also the ones who can make a difference. Politics, especially at the local level, is something everyone can get involved in. You can help campaign, help with fundraisers, or even attempt to run for office yourself. The idea that "it's the same old people" needs to be forgotten, and replaced with a group of individuals that care enough about their future and the future of their families that they are willing to get involved and let their voices be heard.

With the internet, and with social networking sites such as Twitter and Facebook, there is an untapped landscape that needs to be exploited. Information is no longer limited to TV and radio ads that were paid for by only those who had the resources to get their words out there to the masses. You can now have your voice heard by millions, if not billions across the country and the world through the web. So this can and should be the way for our generation to begin and get their hands dirty, to start having their voice be heard. It is easier now than ever to spread ideas and thoughts and open up other's minds to ideas. We need to take advantage and take our towns, states, and country back...

A Second Chance?

2009-08-18T02:33:00.005-04:00

So I keep hearing something over and over on TV, radio, the internet, work, and anywhere else people communicate..."Everyone deserves a second chance". It's not in relation to a child who made a mistake and was suspended from school, not about an addict who lost it all and can't get back on their feet. The person who brings up this comment so frequently is Michale Vick, who plead guilty to and served jail time for charges related to running a dog fighting operation and animal cruelty. The man organized and financially sponsored the ring, as well as helped first hand in the execution of several dogs, and went away to do hard time because of it. In the fallout, he lost a good portion of the record $125,000,000 contract he had signed a few years prior to this coming out.

So now Vick has finished serving his time and people are stewing about his future. You have those who are staunch animal rights activists that feel he should not be anywhere in the public eye and will protest anywhere they can be seen. You have current and former players who are 100% behind his return to football. You have such a mixed bag of feelings about this topic, because it touches on so many levels of our being: animals, sports, money, ethics, racial tension. But from those who back Mike Vick and his return to the NFL, you hear over and over the catchphrase "everyone deserves a second chance". As much as I believe this statement to be true, and also third and fourth chances, it is greatly flawed as it pertains to this situation.

Along with the statement "everyone deserves a second chance", you almost always hear it followed by "he has a right to make a living". Now as true as this statement is also, again it is flawed as it pertains to Mike Vick and the NFL. A second chance means the opportunity to prove you belong as part of free society, and earning a living means to be able to be employed and make money for it. But nowhere in the Constitution does it say that once you are an NFL player, or a professional athlete in general, that you have the RIGHT to make your living in the same manor once you have fallen from grace. And that is where our social conscience has taken a turn for the worse.

We see these athletes and celebrities and think that is what they were born to do, that it is the only thing they can and should do. And so when they break the law and get in trouble we feel it is a natural thing for them to go right back to doing what they were before, because it is what we associate them with. But tell me this: if you were arrested and serve jail time for what Michael Vick did, would your employer bring you back in the same capacity once you were released? Chances are they wouldn't. Chances are it would be extremely hard to find employment with a criminal record, especially with several felony charges that you fled guilty to. and if you were able to find employment, the choices would be limited and you would have to start at the bottom and work your way up the food chain. So why is it so many people just like you and I feel that it is Mike Vick's God given right to be offered a position on an NFL team now that he has served his time?

Okay, so the Philadelphia Eagles signed Vick to a one year deal paying about $1.6 million, of which reportedly he will pocket $750,000 once he pays back prior debts, and that is a huge step down from the money he was making before his transgressions. But at the same time, $1.6 million, or even $750,000 is more than 75% of us will ever make in a year. So forget if it is fair or not, because it is a free world and employers can hire who they want at their own risk. My problem is with average, everyday citizens of this country that are struggling with their own bills, having a hard time in today's tough financial situation, yet they feel that Mike Vick has the right to play football for a living. Are we that hard up for entertainment these days that even when we don't have money in our savings accounts we still want criminals to get rich so that we can be entertained for 3 hours each Sunday? I sure hope not...

The Best Father's Day

2009-08-14T01:42:00.014-04:00

I know that it is hard to label anything "the best", especially when you are talking about moments in your life knowing that there are still many more moments to come. But in this case, I feel pretty comfortable saying that this past year I had what was without a doubt the Best Father's Day ever.

My father grew up in New Jersey as a Brooklyn Dodgers fan. After they left for LA he became a New York Mets fan when they came into existence, thus I was born and raised a huge Mets fan. So much, that since my daughter was born during the last year of the Mets home of Shea Stadium, my wife and I named her Samantha Shea. Well since moving to Florida somewhere around 30 years ago, my father has taken up rooting for the Tampa Bay Rays as well, being his new "home team". So when the baseball schedule came out for 2009, I saw that the Mets were hosting the Rays on Father's Day weekend at their brand new ballpark, Citi Field, which was visually molded after Ebbets Field, the old home of the Dodgers in Brooklyn. So I promptly got tickets and had my Dad book a flight up for the weekend.

Needless to say, it was an amazing day. My father with me, me with my daughter and wife, spending Fathers day at a brand new ballpark that pays tribute to both of our teams. The only problem was my dad was torn between his longtime of rooting for the Mets and his new interest of the Rays. So he wore a Mets hat and Rays shirt. The game wasn't necessarily the important part, it was spending the time with my Dad, as a dad myself, in a place that cemented our bond.

To be able to share that day with my dad and my family was a moment I will cherish forever. Say what you will about sports, there is something about baseball that brings us together, and on that day it was magic...

Obama: American President or Rock Star?

2009-08-13T22:37:00.005-04:00

The last month or so there has been a growing uneasiness around the country. What was at one time this great feeling of "Hope" has slowly turned to frustration and concern. When we as a country elected Barack Obama as our new President, there was a ground swell of excitement at what he brought to this country: youth, racial diversity, charisma, new political blood, forward thinking. But that excitement has now been tempered as he is trying to put forth his plans for change, the change people so desperately wanted.

This whole change in dynamics is a result of unreasonable expectations on the part of the voting public. Is begs the question, "Did the people of this country elect an American President or a Rock Star?" It might sound like a ridiculous question, and I am sure many will criticize me for it, but if you hear me out it should make sense as a legitimate thought.

Go to any flee market or tee shirt store on the boardwalk or China Town in New York and you will see tee shirts and hats and the such with Obama's face or name on it. We have never seen such a thing for past presidents unless it was to ridicule them for something they had done in the past. Now I understand that this President is historic because he is the first one to be of color, and that is fine to be celebrated. My concern has been the idolization of this man, making him an icon before he had even taken office. He became a Rock Star in this country before even setting foot in the Oval Office. And this is not a race thing, because there were and still are just as many white people who are guilty of this as blacks.

But this kind of effort can be dangerous, because as much affection as people have for this President for his speeches and persona, once he took office he had a job to do. Sure, the Presidential election usually boils down to a popularity contest, we all know that. But what is most important is that the person we elect has to make decisions that effect all of our lives. So once in office, this President, just as all others in the past, has very hard decisions to make, and they aren't always going to please us all. What you had was these extremely high expectations that were and probably still are too high for even the best President to meet. And so what you are seeing now that the car companies are still struggling and banks are not lending money and the debate is ongoing pertaining to health care, is a sort of backlash from people who saw Barack Obama as the savior of our country.

The problem with either side of the argument is that the story has not been written yet. we are not even a full year into his presidency, and people are either crying foul or defending him to the end. But this is an ongoing term, and there is a long way to go. For the millions who voted for Obama based on "Hope" and "Change", these were simply catch phrases, designed to capture your attention and key on your bitterness towards the last administration. But when it comes down to it, whether you are Right or Left, conservative or liberal, white or black or any other nationality, it's all about doing what is best for OUR country. This President will be judged on how well he heals the open wounds our country has, not by how popular he is or once was.

I think it was great that so many people became active in this past election and came out in record numbers to vote, because that is what makes this country great. But lost in that is the issue of WHY people became so interested. Sure, a lot of people likely turned out because they were concerned at where the country was headed, but a much higher percentage came out because they were mesmerized by this new, fresh face who spoke so eloquently and told them what they wanted to hear. And not to say it was the wrong decision, but to vote simply on that alone can be dangerous. But the real problem is those are the same people who are outraged at the fact that this President is taking any criticism whatsoever. They again hold him dear to their hearts, as a Rock Star they idolize. The truth of the matter is he is our President, and every President, from every generation, Republican or Democrat, from Lincoln to Kennedy to Clinton to Bush, has taken on criticism, both warranted and not. They are politicians, lawmakers, the keys to our freedom and future.

So please, look at this President as you should any before or after, as the leader of this great country we live in, not as a Rock Star. Do not expect more from him that is possible, and do not feel it is a personal attack when someone points out his short comings. It doesn't matter which side of the political aisle you fall on, we are all in this together...

What Road Rage?

2009-08-12T21:37:00.000-04:00

So, I have been told on many occasions that I have Road Rage. My answer is always that I don't have Road Rage, I just have very little tolerance for stupidity. I very rarely am in a hurry to go anywhere, I just feel like we all took a test on how to drive and are supposed to understand the basic rules of the road. In addition there is such a thing as driving etiquette, which seems to have been lost some time ago.

Take, for instance, the simple act of staying to the right except to pass. This not only is something you are taught in driving school, something you sometimes see posted on highways, but it is also a law in most if not all states. Yet you do not see this ever being enforced. I can not tell you how many times I have been driving on the New Jersey Turnpike and hit a log-jam across three lanes of traffic, only to find out in time that it was someone parked in the far left lane doing 60 when the speed limit is 65. And chances are it is either someone who is driving totally scared to death or someone on their cellphone having the conversation of their life. This is not my problem, this is not Road Rage, this is just people being plain stupid and not respecting those around them.

Another thing that drives me nuts is people who are going along at a certain pace, then when you go to pass them they decide at that time they are going to speed up. I don't know if this is some macho game, some sense of pride that "I can not allow you to pass me", but whatever the reason it is plain stupidity. So yes, I want to (and most of the time do) curse at you when I finally get to pass. Call it Road Rage if you want, but to me I am not the one with the problem, it is the pinhead in the other car with the issues.

Driving should be a pleasant experience, a scenic ride from one place to another, in the comfort of a climate controlled vehicle. Instead, it is becoming more and more of a headache. Cops should start writing tickets for "Stupid Behavior While Driving a Vehicle"...just imagine how much money this could bring in and possibly help our economy!

So please, when you are out there on the roads think of me next time you encounter someone parked in the left lane, talking on their cell phone at a green light instead of moving, speeding up when you try to pass them, put on their hazard lights and slow down to 30 mph when it starts to sprinkle, and things of the sort...and tell me that I am wrong for having Road Rage.

What is this World Coming To?

2009-08-12T10:56:00.000-04:00

Can someone please tell me what the hell our society is becoming? The things that you see on TV today, the clothes that young kids are wearing, the language that is becoming a regular part of our accepted vocabulary, it is all decaying at a rapid pace.

Now do not for a second take me for a do-gooder or an extreme right-wing conservative, I take pride in being very much middle of the road on my views. I am just looking around all the time and thinking "what is this world coming to?" Things are becoming downright scary, and we are all at fault.

You need look no further than the Teen Choice Awards that were on earlier this week. On a show that is aimed at young teens, you had the queen of teen imagery, Miley Cyrus, in a skimpy outfit swinging around on a stripper pole. Now I enjoy watching a stripper as much as the next guy, but there is something fundamentally wrong with a society that feels it is okay for a 16 year old to act that way in from of a targeted teenage audience. But this is just the latest in young girls being exploited for money and fame. And the thing is, it is more common and ingrained into our pop culture that it seems to be less shocking anymore. I have a 16 month old daughter, and the last thing I want when she grows up is for her to think that kind of behavior is acceptable for a child.

It's also the language and content that we hear and see on TV shows these days. I remember growing up the most risque show in TV was Threes Company. These days that show wouldn't even get aired because it would be considered too corny. Today you see more and more flesh, sexual innuendo and foul language, and it is on DURING DINNER TIME! As an adult in my 30's, I curse as much as the next guy and don't mind seeing nudity. But there is a time and a place, and our society and the regulators seem to have forgotten about a little thing called TACT. Again, I am far from being a prude, I just feel there is a time and place for everything.

And the effects all come to a head when you take a walk in your local shopping mall. When you walk around, you see young girls wearing less and less. Teenagers who are following the people they see on TV, prancing around half naked because "it is the style". It seems our generation figures we didn't like being told what to do, and hated being told NO, so in turn we are allowing our kids to do what they want so that they "like us" more than we liked our parents. Well guess what? You are a parent, NOT A FRIEND! As a parent you don't always have to be liked, most important is that you are RESPECTED. We need to stop trying to be our kids' buddies and start teaching them how to be respectful and how to be respected.

Hopefully I am not the only one who feels this way, because if I am we are in for a lot more trouble in the coming years...

The Beginning

2009-08-12T02:56:00.000-04:00

Well, this is my fist attempt at writing a blog. I had not been a fan mostly, but figured since I can not take the politically correct world we live in much more, be it TV or radio or whatever, I might as well write down my own thoughts and see if anyone actually likes hearing the unedited TRUTH, whether they agree or not.

That is the point of my blog...the truth whether you agree or not. Too much time is spent these days with sparing people's feelings. What I want to do is speak the truth, and not hold back. If people want to comment with an opposing view more power to you. My mind is open. I am a VERY opinionated person, but I also appreciate a well thought out rebuttal.
I will be talking about anything from sports to politics to TV or social issues. WARNING though: I hold nothing back, and I encourage my feedback to be the same.

Enough with the politically correct BS, let's be open and honest about what people are really thinking!