The Music in Her

My daughter has become my pseudo DJ whenever we are in the car. She requests...let me rephrase that, she TELLS me what she wants to listen to whenever we are driving. It has become quite comical, as well as a bit frustrating at time, but I must say that I adore the love that she is showing to have for music.

Her musical taste is mighty eclectic, as is a direct reflection of my wife and I. Her favorite musicians include 3 Doors Down, Metallica, Staind, Lady Gaga, Jennifer Lopez, and Billy Joel, just to name a few. She will, at any moment, tell out that she wants to hear one of the above mentioned artists, but not just by name but also certain songs (eg. "Piano Man", "Kryptonite") and sometimes by which track number ("The beginning song Daddy!"). But what I find most intriguing is how she will sit stone-faced the first time she hears a song/CD and then ask for it to be repeated over and over again. I finally realized she was doing this because she was trying to listen to the lyrics and memorize them (thus one Saturday afternoon several weeks ago when we had to listen to "On the Floor" by Jennifer Lopez about 25 times).

In addition to loving to listen to and memorizing songs, I have noticed that she will also at times start tapping her hands on her lap as if playing with the drum beat, or strum her hand as if playing the guitar, things no doubt she learned by watching me as I am driving. She truly does have the music in her, and it makes me a very proud Daddy...

A Great Life

So what is it that makes a great life? Is it fame? Fortune? Having everything you ever asked for? What exactly is it that makes a life great? It is the question that everyone asks yet not many can answer. We all think we know what makes a great life, or at least what we think would make US happy. But what is it that truly makes for a great life? This is something that I, as I am sure many other grapple with each and every day. the answers usually seem so simple, yet extremely shallow at the same time. Sure, we would all love to have the perfect job, the perfect spouse, the great house and car. But is that it? Is that the answer?

It is so easy to think that a great like means to have it all, the house, the car, the girl, the money, the fame and fortune...but is that what makes a life great, or even happy? Happiness is not in what you have, yet in what you make. It's the age old philosophy "money doesn't buy you happiness". this is very true for the most part. Money alone can't make you happy, nor can fame or anything else that strokes the ego. Money and all the spoils might give you the opportunity to be happy, but it is up to us to make our own happiness. A lack of money, though, can definitely make your unhappy and make for a rough life, but also doesn't not guarantee misery. Life is what you make of it, rich or poor, famous or obscure. The key is finding what it is that makes you happy and what makes your individual life great. the answers though, might not be so easy.

So what makes a life great? Does winning the Lottery make it great? Does having a gorgeous wife make life great? Does being a rock star or professional athlete make life great? Does driving a fine Italian sports car make life great? I am sure the answer to each of those questions is YES, but on their own they are just individual accomplishments. At the end of the day, whether we are rich or poor, famous or not, we all need to look at ourselves in the mirror and see who we really are and what we have around us. Life is full of examples of people who seem to have it all, yet end up on the news in tragedy. the tragedy is not in that they had it all and lost it, but yet that they thought they had it all but in reality didn't have a great life.

trust me, I am far from one to say that I have it all figured out, because trust me I don't. But writing is part of me helping myself find the answers that I have been looking for, the answers I am sure many are looking for. I have a decent job that I enjoy and a beautiful wife and wonderful daughter. I also have a very deep passion for life. I have many interests, some that I am able to enjoy and others that I struggle to find time for. And as much as a part of me feels that those things that my life does not enable me time for are the things that would make for a great life, more and more I realize that it is the things that are in front of me that are great. But more so than the "things we have", what makes life great I believe are the things we do. People get so caught up in the rat race, in trying to get this and have that, that we sometimes forget our passions and to just enjoy the ride.

It's like obsessing over taking pictures of each and every moment of a child's life and upbringing. As much as I want to document every day of my daughter's life so that I will have the pictures to look back on, there are many times where I remember too late and regret not getting something on film or in print. But then I realize that instead of being there behind a camera recording something, I was actually there enjoying the moment with her, and that those memories will live forever in my mind. To me that is living, THAT is a great life. Being able to see the pure join in a little girl's face when she sees or experiences something new, now that is a great moment. Trying to make every holiday, vacation, or birthday the most memorable, is living a noble life. Realizing that the most important people in your life are those you say goodnight to each and every day is realizing what makes life great. sacrificing your own time and wants and needs in order to make your kids lives the fullest and happiest they can be is part of a great life.

You see, we may never find out what it is that makes for a great life. We may never know the true meaning of happiness. We might never be able to actually "have it all". Even if I am never a rich rock star, I can still have a pretty good life. As I have come to realize little at a time, the key to life is living. each and every day gives us a chance to live, a chance to make that day a great day. Sure, each day also has the opportunity to throw any number of problems our way, but those too are not what defines us or our happiness. It is what we do with those problems and how we learn from them and get past them that make life great or not. If we take everything, both good and bad, and learn from it and grown from it and life our lives with passion, then we will then be closer to living a great life...

The One Word

I have been called many things in my short time on this planet. I have been called son, brother, friend, foe. I have been called cousin, uncle, teammate, coworker. I've been called boyfriend, lover, ex, and husband. But there is one thing I have been called that means more to me than anything else...DADDY.

There is just something that happens when that little voice of my daughter's says that word, Daddy. It can be in a moment of need when she is sick, or a moment of fright when she isn't sure. It can be when she is playful and giggling, or when she is tired and saying goodnight. But even when she says it in anger or frustration, it is still the most soothing thing to my ears. Even when she is acting up and has me frustrated to no end, when I hear that word Daddy it just melts my heart and makes things a little bit brighter.

Just knowing that someone is so reliant on you, and so influenced by your words and actions makes you want to be a better person. And as much as we as parents have an effect on the way our children see the world, the thing they will never quite understand is how they do that very same thing to us...

The King of her Castle

As I write this, I have a paper crown on my head. It is a construction paper crown that my daughter made at a craft store about a month ago. I can honestly say I never really thought I would be sitting around my house wearing a paper crown, but at the same time I wear it with pride. You see, I didn't decide to wear it so much as my daughter decided I would. She was playing with her toys and had on a princess tiara, and came to the conclusion that I needed to be royalty too. And like that, my life's purpose was made very clear to me. In her eyes, I was royalty. To her, we were royalty. And to her, I am not a guy with an image to uphold, but instead I am her king, just Daddy.

Such had become my life, a life of being the father of a little girl. She is two and a half, yet starting to become a little lady with her own opinions and ideas. It is a humbling situation, but not at all regretful. Instead of watching Sportscenter and CNN during the day, it is Barney and sesame Street. Instead of working outside or tinkering with a guitar, I learn about the Little Mermaid and help dress her dolls for her. And damn this new thing called Polly Pocket. for those of you without young daughters, Polly Pocket is like miniature Barbie dolls that have tine little rubber clothes and accessories. My daughter learned of Polly at her baby sitter's house, as her daughter has them. So of course we were suckered into buying her a starters kit, and now it is her favorite thing to play with. Of course these dolls and there clothes are very small and hard for a 2 year old's fingers to fully function, so I spend a considerable amount of time helping her dress and redress her dolls. I can't say it is something I ever dreamt about doing, but it is something I do without hesitation or thought because it is time spent with my daughter.

There are trips to the zoo or to the farm to pick apples and pumpkins that have replaced road trips and nights out at the bars. Going to the mall is now about looking for children's clothes and shoes and hair accessories instead of CD's or clothes for myself. A trip to Chuck E Cheese's or McDonald's means more than a meal at a fine restaurant, because all of these things show up as a look of amazement and happiness in my daughter's eyes. Life has become mostly about her and her happiness and what she takes out of things, and less about what I want or don't want.

And so here I sit, my crown on my head, my daughter singing and dancing and giving me the occasional hug and kiss on the cheek. Today is not an unusual day or an exceptional one, just another day in my life as a dad. these things that I would have once thought would be embarrassing or uninteresting are now just part of my life, and totally enjoyable. there is not one thing I wouldn't do for my daughter, and to me that is what being a parent is all about. It's not about giving them everything and anything they want, it is about showing them the world and experiencing with them. So that is what I do every day, I am with her, sharing the world and her world. So I am her dad, and also the king of her castle, and there is nothing wrong with that at all...

About My Wife

This past Sunday was Mother's day, a day we spend taking care of and reflecting on those women in our lives that mean the most to us and have raised their children without any consideration for themselves. It got me thinking about my wife, and how in the last two years things have changed in our lives since having our daughter. It got me thinking about how she has changed, yet how she has remained the same as before she was a mom. How I feel about her now compared to how I felt about her before. So many things that seem to always go untold, but the feelings have always been there.

My wife is one of the most stubborn people I know...and I am very stubborn myself so I know the signs quite well. She is also one of the most selfless people I have ever known, always has been. And most importantly, she is the most loving woman I have ever met. All these things are what gave her a predisposition to be a wonderful mother. From the day we found out she was pregnant and that we were going to be parents she was intent on being the best mother she could be. As cool and collected as I was and took all the planning in stride, she was a nervous wreck and questioned everything. But it was her way of being prepared. And even through the many moments of self doubt that she had during her pregnancy, I always knew that she was more than well prepared for motherhood. So when our precious daughter was born, my wife may have changed from Jessica to Mommy, and her priorities may have shifted just a bit, but she was still the same amazing woman that always made me feel so special. Just now her main focus turned to our baby.

The stubbornness I spoke of came about shortly after delivery, as she was intent on nursing as long as she could, which she did. It continued several months later when she started to make and freeze our own baby food as she had planned on during her pregnancy. She was, and still is, constantly reading book s and magazines and online articles trying to learn as much as she can about parenting and how to be a great parent. She had set her mind at being a wonderful mother and she has been way more than that from day one. I see the time she puts in with our daughter, how she not only plays with her and has fun, but how she teaches her life lessons. And I see the adoration that my little girl has for her mommy in her face every time she sees her. And I know look and feeling, because it is the same one that I have had since I have know her.

As wonderful a companion and wife as she is, she is just as much a mother, if not more. The love that I felt for her for all the things she had done for me before, I now feel that even more when I see her channel that energy towards our daughter. There is something about seeing a person go without in an effort to give their child everything possible. As much as my wife has kept her independence and individuality and remained a professional woman, she is first and foremost a mom. She worries that she isn't spending enough time with her daughter when she is at work, yet sees the benefit of of having her own adult time. She enjoys stopping on the way home from work to pick up a little something special for her daughter "just because". She loves saying "she is her mother's daughter" to anyone who will listen. She has taken this motherhood thing and embraced it, and in turn gotten more satisfaction out of it than anything I have ever seen while I have known her.

And the thing that makes my wife so special, is that with so much of her time and energy spend being Mommy she is still my wife. She still does the little things that tell me she loves me. She still enjoys spending time together, even if it is not as much time as we used to have. She is not only a mother, but she is a strong, beautiful woman. And being a great mom just makes me look at her not in a new light, but in a brighter one. I always knew she would be a special mother, but the best part is that I get to watch her each and every day. And as proud as I am of her and what she means to our daughter, I know that I am the lucky one for having her in my life...

The Greatest Gift

Something hit me this morning when I woke to the sound of my two year old daughter giggling, I walked into her room, she looked at me from her bed and said "Hi Daddy!". It was the most simple of moments, yet so full of meaning. With that phrase my heart gushed, my eyes welled, and my chest filled with pride. Not that I didn't already feel this way, but it was that simple moment that confirmed to me that being a father is the greatest gift in the world.

I had been somewhat selfish most of my life growing up, not in the sense that I was all about me so much as just did what I wanted when I wanted it. Bought things I didn't need, went places I wanted to go to, basically lived life for me. Then a little over 2 years ago my daughter, Samantha Shea, was born, and that life as I knew it came to an abrupt end. It's not something that was thought about or decided, it just happens. In that one moment that she began to breath the same air as the rest of us, she became my life and my reason for being here. Now, I may want things, but I don't always get them, or feel the need to get them. Now instead of going away for the weekend with my wife or vacationing in the Caribbean, I go to Sesame Place and actually enjoy it. When my wife asks me sometime in November what I want for Christmas I struggle for answers, because in all honesty I am only concerned with making my daughter happy and seeing the joy in her face as she opens her gifts. Life has changed, and changed for the better no doubt about it.

It is hard to put into words what being a parent is like, and I think even harder to explain what being the Dad of a little girl is about. It is something that we all know is important on many levels, protective, caring, strength. But deep down there is something that escapes words. As much as you want to protect her and hold her close so that nothing or no one hurts her, you also want to do everything you can to make her a strong woman. As much as you want her to be Daddy's little tomboy and know all about your favorite teams, you also want her to be the little lady that is the most beautiful in her class. It is a contradiction of sorts, yet all comes from just wanting her to be the best person she can be.

Because of my work schedule I have the great fortune of being able to be home with my daughter during the morning and afternoon. This is something that I welcomed, and something that I treasure each and every day. Sure, it is tough when I am sick and just want to stay in bed, yet she keeps pulling at my arm telling me "Daddy up!". But I can not imagine what life would be like if I did not get to spend the time with her that I do. As much as I teach her about how to count and spell and play, I honestly do think that she teaches me more. She has taught me patience, which has never been my strong point. She has taught me humility, as I do not mind changing diapers and sharing child care tips with other moms and dads. But what she has taught me more than anything, is selflessness. My life is about her and my wife, and not about me. I honestly can not remember what life was like before she was born, and I shudder at the thought of what life will be like when she is old enough to go to school and will no longer be around the house when I am home during the day. But that one phrase, "Hi Daddy!", has way more meaning and way more weight than anything that I have every heard. Because of her, I feel like my life has meaning, and for that I thank her and I thank my wife for giving me this gift...

A Wonderful Birthday Gift

For my birthday this January, my wife presented me with an airline ticket to visit my family in Florida, by myself. She explained that the reason for this was because of my job working at night and watching my daughter during the day, I do not get to have much time for myself and this was a chance for me to get away and just be me. Great, so I am looking forward to the week with family and friends back home, although a little bummed not to be sharing the time with my wife and child. But my two brothers tell me not to make any plans for the weekend, and not to ask them what we are doing. So of course my mind is going in a million directions wondering what they have planned...to the point that I finally stop trying to figure it out and just go with it (as anyone who knows me well enough would know how hard that was for me).

So the night I arrive in Florida I go to dinner with my parents and two brothers. At some point my older brother hands me a handful of papers, which in order spell out a story about how they were considering what to do while I was visiting. The surprise was that I was going on a 3 night cruise to the Bahamas with my two brothers. I was just as shocked by this as I was with my wife's presenting me with an airline ticket. My brothers had both been on cruises before, but this was to be my first. Once the shock wore off, I was totally excited. My wife knew the plans, and had packed a few extra things that I was going to need for the cruise without my knowledge. So the next morning we were off for Miami to hit the high seas.

It all happened so fast that I never really was able to think about just how meaningful it was to be able to do this with my brothers. W e were always close growing up, not best of buddies but always did things together. Of course with three of us there was usually sides being taken here and there, and constant bickering, but never anything serious or nasty. But as we have all gotten older we have become a lot closer. All of us have our own lives, and my wife and I live in New Jersey as opposed to the two of them still in Florida, but we talk a frequently and see each other as much as possible. But still, to be able to spend 3 nights on a cruise ship, just us, no parents or wives or girlfriends, or even cell phones or computers, was such a great bonding opportunity.

From the time we got onto the ship there was really no plan. They asked what I wanted to do, and I said I was just there to do as much or as little as we wanted, no plans, no pressure. We ate, we drank (a lot), we gambled, we smoked cigars, we saw comedy shows. We met some very cool people, and we talked a lot. The thing I noticed was how time really seemed to stand still while on the ship. At one point my younger brother and I spent 2 hours in a hot tub talking with numerous groups of people, drinking beer and just enjoying the sun. One night he and I actually closed down the last bar that was open at 4 AM. Another night my older brother and I closed down the casino playing blackjack for what must have been 3 hours or so. We watched playoff football at one of the bars on board, I ate sushi for the first time, and we walked around the streets of Nassau, Bahamas. It was truly a great time spent between three brothers. I can not say enough about how meaningful it was to be able to bond like we did, to just get away and enjoy spending time together.

To think, that the entire reason that I was able to have this opportunity to go on that trip with my brothers was because my wife cared enough about me to want me to have some time for myself. She set it all in motion by being selfless and wanting me to get away from life a bit and just think about me. And everyone we met on the cruise when I told them why we were on the trip together, they all said how great of a wife I had for doing that for me. It was such a shock, and such a whirlwind, but at the end of the day one of the nicest and most meaningful things anyone has ever done for me. And for my brothers to think as much of me to take me out on a cruise, that is also something I can never repay them for. Not the money or the adventure as much as just the time we were able to spend together, the opportunity to see each others in a different light. I would love to make this a tradition, because it is so important to family, especially siblings, to stay close and connected. Here's hoping this was just one of many Hayman Brother Retreats...

The Best Father's Day

I know that it is hard to label anything "the best", especially when you are talking about moments in your life knowing that there are still many more moments to come. But in this case, I feel pretty comfortable saying that this past year I had what was without a doubt the Best Father's Day ever.






My father grew up in New Jersey as a Brooklyn Dodgers fan. After they left for LA he became a New York Mets fan when they came into existence, thus I was born and raised a huge Mets fan. So much, that since my daughter was born during the last year of the Mets home of Shea Stadium, my wife and I named her Samantha Shea. Well since moving to Florida somewhere around 30 years ago, my father has taken up rooting for the Tampa Bay Rays as well, being his new "home team". So when the baseball schedule came out for 2009, I saw that the Mets were hosting the Rays on Father's Day weekend at their brand new ballpark, Citi Field, which was visually molded after Ebbets Field, the old home of the Dodgers in Brooklyn. So I promptly got tickets and had my Dad book a flight up for the weekend.






Needless to say, it was an amazing day. My father with me, me with my daughter and wife, spending Fathers day at a brand new ballpark that pays tribute to both of our teams. The only problem was my dad was torn between his longtime of rooting for the Mets and his new interest of the Rays. So he wore a Mets hat and Rays shirt. The game wasn't necessarily the important part, it was spending the time with my Dad, as a dad myself, in a place that cemented our bond.

To be able to share that day with my dad and my family was a moment I will cherish forever. Say what you will about sports, there is something about baseball that brings us together, and on that day it was magic...