The Jury

About a month ago I was selected for jury duty. Not only did I have to report, but I ended up being selected as one of the eight to serve for a civil trial. As with most people, I was not necessarily looking forward to the idea of spending a week or two in court with complete strangers. But on the other hand, as someone who watches a lot of crime dramas on TV and movies I was also somewhat interested by the opportunity to experience these things in real life.

For the integrity of the judicial process, I am not going to get into what the trial was about, nor the results. For the purposes of this blog, they are inconsequential anyways. But what came of this experience for me were several things.

The first is that the jury process, for as much of an inconvenience as it is for most people, works. What I saw and was so impressed with was that eight people from all different backgrounds, ages, sexes, races, and careers could take the responsibility set upon us seriously, get along and work together, and also ultimately form just about the same opinions after seven days of testimony. This is all you can hope for if were to find yourself in the unfortunate situation of being in court yourself one day, to know that the people in charge of your fate are doing their best to do their job to the best of their ability.

The other thing I took out of this experience was that this group that was assembled because of it's apparent differences and balance ended up meshing so well. On the outside we couldnt' have been more different, but yet in the time we spent in the jury room while the judge and lawyers worked out issues (which was A LOT), we all became very close. We shared stories of our lives, our families, our jobs, our sports teams. Because we could not speak about the case until testimony was over, we had to talk about anything and everything else, which we did.Several people once we reached the end how if even just one person had been replaced how it could have potentially changed the entire dynamic and atmosphere, and this was very true.

Given all these things, the most important thing that came out of all this was that the jury system works. We were lucky to have been assigned to a judge and court reporter who were very well-natured and helpful, us jurors all got along well, and most of all we took the task given to us seriously. Not to mention, I don't think I am alone in feeling like I made some friends for life...

I Remember

Today marks the 11 year anniversary of the most horrific day in recent history. It marks the anniversary of the day that changed the way we live our lives forever. And today, on another Tuesday, September 11th, the weather was comfortable and clear just as it was that fateful day. I remember the following days, weeks and months, and how things felt and how they changed.

I remember...how the entire country stopped, whether it was New York City, California, or anywhere in between. Not only did the airline industry stop all air traffic for 2 days, but people stopped what they were doing and gathered and consoled each other and just took time to reflect and to mourn. Suddenly, the hustle and bustle of everyday life slowed and people found time to reflect of how precious life really is.

I remember...the kindness that poured out of so many. Rescue personnel as well as plain civilians flocked to Manhattan to help in any way they could, whether it be in clean up or recovery or just doling out supplies to those who were. Corporations, athletic teams, churches, and communities from all over the surrounding areas and the rest of the countries collected, sent, and helped distribute food and living supplies to rescuers and those impacted. Communities around the country, as well as some in Canada, who took in and welcomed with open arms those who's planes had been grounded in areas other than their destinations, and made the ordeal a lot less troubling. It was a time where the good in the American people truly shined bright.

I remember...the patriotism that this horrible event brought out of just about everyone. Never before had you seen so many people bearing American flags outside their houses, on their cars, on their clothing. You would hear groups chanting impromptu "USA, USA, USA" cheers at sporting events, speeches, concerts, and anywhere else large crowds were gathered. Whether at a star-filled concert at Madison Square Garden to benefit victim's families or a New York Mets or Yankees baseball game, both the spectators and the stars beamed with not only hurt and sorrow, but they also showed a great sense of pride to be Americans.

I remember...the unity towards one common belief, which was a belief in Our Country. In the years leading up to 9/11/2001, Rudy Giuliani hadn't been the most popular mayor in New York City history. But the way he conducted himself after the attacks and the way in which he united not only a city but also the country made him a beloved leader. People stopped seeing him for the political differences they made have had, but instead for his compassion, his leadership and the way he made people feel safe and secure in an otherwise turbulant time. President Bush, still in his first year in office, was dealt an unprecedented situation, and handled it in a very calming and decisive manor. He stood up for the country he was in charge of leading, and took swift action. Unfortunately in the years to follow there were many short comings and failed plans, but none of that should take away form the actions taken that put faith and pride back into our great country initially.

It is sad that it takes this one day each year to think back and remember how things WERE following the attacks of September 11th. What was undoubtedly the worst day in American history brought out the best in people and in a country as a whole. With each passing year, though, that pause and kindness and patriotism and especially unity has tarnished and slipped further and further away. With time wounds heal, but with time all these positives that we gained have also faded. We are at a time in our history when things are not very good. Whether it be financial woes, social issues, immigration and race tensions, or political debates, the country is as divided in 2012 as it was unified in 2001.

So please remember...the way our great country joined together in the face of it's darkest time. Remember the feeling of pride and patriotism and how we were all Americans. Whether you are Republican or Democrat, regardless your ethnicity, whether rich or poor or in between, we need to all take pride in being AMERICAN, and help to better this glorious country our ours. It's time to fight for our common goals and forget the whole "me first" mentality. This country was founded on the belief of "We the People", and it is time that we all remember what those words meant to the founding fathers, what they meant after 9/11/2001, and what they mean now...

A Great Life

So what is it that makes a great life? Is it fame? Fortune? Having everything you ever asked for? What exactly is it that makes a life great? It is the question that everyone asks yet not many can answer. We all think we know what makes a great life, or at least what we think would make US happy. But what is it that truly makes for a great life? This is something that I, as I am sure many other grapple with each and every day. the answers usually seem so simple, yet extremely shallow at the same time. Sure, we would all love to have the perfect job, the perfect spouse, the great house and car. But is that it? Is that the answer?

It is so easy to think that a great like means to have it all, the house, the car, the girl, the money, the fame and fortune...but is that what makes a life great, or even happy? Happiness is not in what you have, yet in what you make. It's the age old philosophy "money doesn't buy you happiness". this is very true for the most part. Money alone can't make you happy, nor can fame or anything else that strokes the ego. Money and all the spoils might give you the opportunity to be happy, but it is up to us to make our own happiness. A lack of money, though, can definitely make your unhappy and make for a rough life, but also doesn't not guarantee misery. Life is what you make of it, rich or poor, famous or obscure. The key is finding what it is that makes you happy and what makes your individual life great. the answers though, might not be so easy.

So what makes a life great? Does winning the Lottery make it great? Does having a gorgeous wife make life great? Does being a rock star or professional athlete make life great? Does driving a fine Italian sports car make life great? I am sure the answer to each of those questions is YES, but on their own they are just individual accomplishments. At the end of the day, whether we are rich or poor, famous or not, we all need to look at ourselves in the mirror and see who we really are and what we have around us. Life is full of examples of people who seem to have it all, yet end up on the news in tragedy. the tragedy is not in that they had it all and lost it, but yet that they thought they had it all but in reality didn't have a great life.

trust me, I am far from one to say that I have it all figured out, because trust me I don't. But writing is part of me helping myself find the answers that I have been looking for, the answers I am sure many are looking for. I have a decent job that I enjoy and a beautiful wife and wonderful daughter. I also have a very deep passion for life. I have many interests, some that I am able to enjoy and others that I struggle to find time for. And as much as a part of me feels that those things that my life does not enable me time for are the things that would make for a great life, more and more I realize that it is the things that are in front of me that are great. But more so than the "things we have", what makes life great I believe are the things we do. People get so caught up in the rat race, in trying to get this and have that, that we sometimes forget our passions and to just enjoy the ride.

It's like obsessing over taking pictures of each and every moment of a child's life and upbringing. As much as I want to document every day of my daughter's life so that I will have the pictures to look back on, there are many times where I remember too late and regret not getting something on film or in print. But then I realize that instead of being there behind a camera recording something, I was actually there enjoying the moment with her, and that those memories will live forever in my mind. To me that is living, THAT is a great life. Being able to see the pure join in a little girl's face when she sees or experiences something new, now that is a great moment. Trying to make every holiday, vacation, or birthday the most memorable, is living a noble life. Realizing that the most important people in your life are those you say goodnight to each and every day is realizing what makes life great. sacrificing your own time and wants and needs in order to make your kids lives the fullest and happiest they can be is part of a great life.

You see, we may never find out what it is that makes for a great life. We may never know the true meaning of happiness. We might never be able to actually "have it all". Even if I am never a rich rock star, I can still have a pretty good life. As I have come to realize little at a time, the key to life is living. each and every day gives us a chance to live, a chance to make that day a great day. Sure, each day also has the opportunity to throw any number of problems our way, but those too are not what defines us or our happiness. It is what we do with those problems and how we learn from them and get past them that make life great or not. If we take everything, both good and bad, and learn from it and grown from it and life our lives with passion, then we will then be closer to living a great life...

Don't Silence the Soundtrack

I started playing music when I was in the 6th grade. My elementary school offered music classes twice a week as a preparatory for middle school. I chose the trumpet because that is what my older brother had played, and since he had since move on to the tuba I could use his old trumpet for my lessons. From there I moved into middle school and continued to play the trumpet, and then baritone and trombone. Playing music in school was something that I enjoyed, a release and a challenge all in one. But as I have grown older I have realized how much music has actually taught me, and how much it has molded my life.

I have always loved music for as long as I can remember. It has kind of been the soundtrack to my life. I can relate music to so many memories...summer days in the pool listening to Chicago and Michael Jackson and Neil Diamond at my parents' house, the Beach Boy Christmas playing in the background as we decorated our tree, listening to Def Leppard's Hysteria cassette repeatedly as we drove to New Jersey from Florida on a family trip. These are all life experiences that music has helped to stamp into my brain. Just like in a great movie where you can picture a certain scene when you hear a song being played, so has been my life. So it was only natural for me to want to be part of the music myself.

Sure, many kids dream of being rock stars when they are young, and I was no different. My younger brother and I would dress up like rock musicians and put on performances for our family lip syncing and pretending to play guitars that were actually tennis rackets. I can remember the exact moment when I knew I wanted to play guitar for real. I was at home watching MTV (this is when they actually played music videos) and saw Van Halen's "When it's Love" video. The scene was a dimly lit bar, with the band playing and a lot of close ups. I remember seeing ans hearing Eddie Van Halen play so crisply in the song, and instantly I thought to myself "I can do that". So when I was 16 my parents, broke down and got me an electric guitar for Christmas. It was the best gift ever, and over time I taught myself to play. Now I am a marginal player at best, but playing guitar, which I still do when I find the time, is a great outlet for me and I still get so much enjoyment out of it.

Playing music, both in school and on my own, has taught me so much. In a time where school music programs are being cut left and right, it saddens me because I can see all the good that can come out of teaching children about music. start with the fact that you are teaching them a skill, something that may or may not lead to a profession, but something that they will always be able to take with them. Along with that, it is the lesson of sticking with something and practicing it over and over in order to get better. It is a lesson that can be applied to anything they might do throughout their lives. In addition there are tremendous math skills that are honed when learning about and how to play music. Keeping time and learning the different lengths of notes are all mathematical elements.

Another important lesson that comes along with teaching children to play music is the social aspect. We are teaching kids not only how to read music and play in instrument, buy also how to do these things TOGETHER. The interaction between different parts or instruments, the breaking down of insecurities by having to play around others. These are all things that help to grow a child's character. In addition, you are teaching your kids culture, and about different styles and histories that they otherwise wouldn't learn about. For the four years I was in high school I played in the marching band where I was exposed to traditional marching styles as well as popular music transposed into a marching theme, the concert symphony where I learned classical styles such as Bach and Wagner, the jazz band which taught me studio jazz as well as the Latin fusion styles, and then pursued my own personal passions of rock and metal music while playing guitar on my own. What other skill or extracurricular activity offered in schools can give children exposure to such a diverse collection of experiences? And all of this while teaching them how to interact and become a strong individual.

Music is what drives me, it is what motivates me, it is what heals me. I prefer rock and metal music to others, but have and do listen to all other kinds such as Pop, Latin, Country and Hip Hop. I have a very diverse variety just in the CD changer in my car, which can range from Korn to 3 Doors Down to Tom Petty to Marc Anthony. to me, great music is great music, regardless of the genre or who it is that makes it. There is nothing more powerful than hearing a song that gives you goosebumps and hits a chord inside you because you can totally relate to the story or issue being sung about. And at the same time, at least for me, there is nothing more intense than hearing the perfect crushing guitar riff that just makes you want to bang your head or sway around. Music can make you cry, make you dance, make you smile, or make you think. And to me, that last one is the most important. Music makes us think. It makes us think about what the person who wrote it was thinking about, it makes us think about how we relate to it, and it makes us think about how they actually made it. What better lesson to teach our kids?

So today, while you are working or driving or watching TV, take notice of how many times you hear some sort of music. Then think to yourself what that music does to you, and how it makes you feel. Whether it be a CD you play on your drive home, or a soundtrack to your favorite TV show or movie, or even just a sample during a commercial, imagine what your life would be like without that music there. Then think about the fact that we are slowly taking about the roots of where that music comes from by dropping music classes from schools and not exposing our children to this wonderful craft. If we stop teaching our kids about music and how to make it, eventually we will be taking away the heart and soul of so many parts of our lives, silencing the soundtrack of our lives...

Who's Fault?

There was a time, not that long ago as a matter of fact, when our people were held accountable for our actions and mistakes. It seems like so long ago. But today we have become a society not only blames our shortcomings and bad choices on someone else, but where courts and doctors and pretty much everyone accepts these excuses. And I say excuses because that is exactly what they are. Do you remember when you were little and your parents would say to you "I don't want any excuses"? That was because they knew damn well that whatever it was that you did to get yourself in hot water, it was your fault. But today, that statement has been replaced by "Who showed you/taught you/allowed you to do this?". In other words, it's never your fault anymore, it's always someone else's fault. We are no longer held responsible for our actions, our bad decisions are most likely the result of our parents or because we should have never been allowed to have the chance to screw up. It has led us down a path that scares me to death, because if everyone is pointing their finger at someone else eventually we run out of people to blame, and then what?

It can be as simple as someone spilling hot coffee on themselves and suing the fast food joint for it being too hot, AND WINNING A MILLION DOLLARS. Instead of applying the rules of common sense and throwing this case out because the person should have been more careful with an obviously hot beverage, the courts opened up the gate for frivolous lawsuits by setting the precedent that it's not the idiot holding the hot food's fault if they get hurt, it's the supplier for not putting a label on it stating that it is hot. On which planet this makes sense I don't know, but it is now the norm here on earth, or at least in the USA.

Doctors are most guilty of this social epidemic, as they feed into the blame game. If a child is a behavioral problem, they have ADD or ADHD. If you are lazy and have no energy you have chronic fatigue. If you don't know how to cope with problems you have depression. Now these things are all very real and there are people who actually suffer from them, but not at the numbers that are treated today. Today, these are easy explanations and fixes for a much deeper problem. It is easier to say a kid has ADD and shove meds down their throat than it is to actually put the time in with them to teach them how to concentrate and behave. When I was a kid, maybe one child in a class had ADD, now we are looking at a third of them being diagnosed. To me, it is a result of people not putting the time in as parents and expecting the teachers and doctors to deal with it for them. And these kids grow up to be adults who don't know how to cope, except to medicate themselves. Is this really the world we want to create and have to live in?

It's all an endless blame game...when are we going to start taking responsibility for our actions or lack of them. When are we going to revert back to a time where people stood on their own merit, and not blame others for their weaknesses? This country was built and advanced by people who persevered through tough times, yet in modern days we want everything handed to us. We are teaching our kids that they deserve everything their little hearts desire, regardless of if they have earned it. We are raising a generation of people who know that if something goes wrong, they can sue someone over it, take a pill for it, get an exemption for it, or blame someone else for it. I am all for helping someone out who needs a hand, but eventually there will be no one left to give out that helping hand, because we will all be the ones asking for it...

I know I am Getting Old

I know that I am getting old because I find myself doing all the things that old people did when I was younger, all the things I never saw myself doing. I suppose it is something everyone goes through, but it never ceases to amaze one when they are the one going through it. The whole "I never thought I would say the things my parents did" is very cliche, but also so very true. I suppose it's just a part of life, a part of growing up. But it is such a scary realization because it means that we are not kids anymore, and that this life of ours is real.

I now find myself listening to talk radio at least fifty percent of the time I am in my car. sure, I will still blast some heavy metal CD's a lot of the time, but I also am finding more and more that I am listening to talk programs (and not only sports-talk, although that consumes part of time as well). i listen to a New Jersey talk radio station that mixes in comedy with real issues. But the thing I find that keeps me so interested is that so many of the issues they talk about each day I can either relate to or they effect my every day life. I now own a home, pay taxes and have a young child, so the things going on around me have a huge impact on my life now. Things such as where my tax money is going and what kind of education my daughter is going to get are huge things in my life now that I am in my 30's. Ten or fifteen years ago I would have though that listening to such a station was for "old people" and boring. Just a sign that I am getting old.

Another thing I never would have thought I would ever find myself doing was complaining about "these kids". It's the old saying "these kids today, we were never like that". Well not only is it a cliche that we all fall into, but the statement is also very true. Music, as an example, has changed through each generation. To a generation of parents the Beatles and Elvis were "noise", and now their music is not only classic but also considered very mild and mellow to most. And now a lot of the music I used to listen to as a teenager is being played on classic rock stations. But to walk through the mall and look around at the kids and teenagers is what really makes me feel old. Commenting on the clothing options, the lack of discipline, these are the same things that our parents' generation said about us. But at the same time, there is a lot of truth to the whole idea of the next generation not getting it.

So yes, the kids today are rude and dress funny and don't pay attention to the things they should. But neither did we when we were their age, and neither did our parents when they were that age, etc. And as much as we like to envision ourselves as always being hip and trendy and knowing what the coolest things are, fact is once we get older we don't. We start acting like and thinking like our parents, and we start being the "old people". But the key is to do it gracefully, to not lose track of our youth. there is nothing wrong with caring about politics or current events, but also be sure to keep up on the social changes. Sure, we might never be fully in tune with the next generation's style or technology, but we also shouldn't dismiss it just because it is different. Remember, it wasn't that long ago that it was us at the mall and someone else was shaking their head at us...

The Slippery Slope

The continuation towards a total lack of self-responsibility in this great country of ours is in high gear as we speak. The latest, and one of the most absurd, examples is in a potential lawsuit against McDonald's. No, it's not about people spilling shockingly hot coffee on themselves again, but this time over the inclusion of toys in their Happy Meals. Seems as though the CSPI, which claims to be a public watchdog group, is threatening a lawsuit claiming that including toys with Happy Meals is a marketing ploy to lure children into their store and to consume less than healthy foods. As I heard about this lawsuit and read more about it, the more infuriated I got. It seems as though this "free country" of ours is slowly becoming one where parents no longer have the right, or responsibility to raise their children the way they seem fit. If this lawsuit is heard in court, and especially if it is upheld, I am afraid to think of what will be next.

It seems that if it's not the government telling us how we should raise our children, it is the court system allowing lawsuits that basically accomplish the same thing to be heard. We not only live in a country where more and more people are passing the blame of their own bad parenting on to everyone and everything else, but we are allowing the dilution of our legal system by allowing so many frivolous lawsuits to be heard. This nutritional watchdog group that is filing the lawsuit against McDonald's should be spending their time and resources on making sure that businesses are following nutritional guidelines, maintaining healthy facilities, etc. They should not be deciding that it is a restaurant's job to play the role of parent to all American children. And when a suit like this is heard, and worse than that won or settled, it created a domino effect that shifts blame from consumers to the businesses. Was it really McDonald's fault that a woman spilled coffee on herself? And now every take out cup of coffee you get from any fast food joint has a message on it telling you that it's contents are hot. That is like Dairy Queen being forced to print on their cups "Contents are extremely cold". Makes no sense. Yet here we are, wanting to tell McDonald's that they can't include toys in their Happy Meals because it creates childhood obesity. And I still don't see how not including a toy in the meal is going to deter people from feeding their kids fast food. The smaller portions are most likely more of an attraction to parents than the toy is.

So the whole premise is that by including toys in the Happy Meals, and by advertising such (the nerve of a retail company to advertise a product), they are pushing young children to pressure their parents in to buying them these meals. And the implication is that this is fast food, so it is promoting unhealthy eating habits. Now as much as I agree that eating a lot of fast food is unhealthy, for adults as well as children, there are several issues with this thought process. First of all, if a parent is going to buy an extreme amount of Happy Meals for their child simply because the child is begging for the toys, then that is just bad parenting and I would be afraid to know what else their children are allowing them to do. Second, this is a free country, so no one should be forced not to feed their kid something that they want to. It is not the government's or the court's job to parent our children. The "slippery slope" that is so often spoken about is show quite clearly just in these two examples of cases with McDonald's...the allowing of the case of hot coffee eventually leads to the bringing of this lawsuit concerning Happy Meal toys. We allow the courts to tell us we can not make decisions for ourselves. We become a lazy society who sits back and lets the government tell us how to parent our children. These frivolous lawsuit should never be heard by any court.

The sad reality is that it is likely McDonald's will reach a settlement with this organization, where they will change their marketing strategy or the things that they include in the Happy Meals. They will do this in order to prevent possible bad publicity. But I say they should fight it with every bit of resources they have. The fact that something so simple and silly can be made such a big deal, all because we are afraid to stand up and take responsibility for raising our own children. It is as if they are saying "we can not raise our children right in a world with such bad options available", instead of TEACHING our kids how to live a balanced and healthy life. It reminds me of how several years back Camel cigarettes were told they could no longer use Joe Camel in their advertising, because it was construed as marketing smoking to minors. The fact that the caricature of a camel was going to make kids want to smoke any more than the fact that their own parents smoked is absurd, yet no one found that frightening. And the numbers relating to childhood smoking today don't really show that the ban was a success, do they?

There needs to be a movement in this country towards taking back responsibility for our parenting choices. We need to stop blaming everyone else for our children's problem, such as food chains, musicians, actors, medications, the rich, the poor, and the video games. If you are a responsible and engaged parent, you will know what your child is eating, drinking, playing with, listening to...and if it is the wrong thing than it is YOUR FAULT. But even if your kids are doing the wrong thing, it should not be against the law. We are free, and that means free to even make bad choices...

Illegal is Illegal

Several days ago the state of Arizona passed a law authorizing police to request proof of residence from anyone have a reasonable suspicion of being in the country illegally. This has since sparked the latest protests from immigrants and their supporters, claiming civil rights abuse and the legalization of racial profiling. It is reminiscent of the "Day Without an Immigrant" movement several years ago, where illegal immigrants tried to band together and not work for a day to show the country their value to the economy of America. The problem with that movement was that in turn it caused more outrage from legal Americans and has since made people in this country more focused on fixing the immigration problems we are facing. So in other words, it backfired. The outcries against this Arizona law are just as misguided, and I believe will further demonstrate the people of this country's desire to expand such laws nationwide.



What no one in the mass media seems to be bringing up or emphasizing in this whole debate is the fact that we are talking about people who are in this country ILLEGALLY. By definition these are people who should not be in the country, and therefor they do not have the same rights as American citizens do. The President can try to change the wording of what he calls these people, but it doesn't change the fact that they came here without proper permission or background checks, and the majority are living under the radar and not paying into our tax system.



My other issue with this is also tied into the whole "Immigration Reform" debate that has been talked about for the last several years, where certain groups want to give amnesty to those here illegally. Most people, including the media and special interest groups assume when talking about illegal immigrants we are automatically talking about Hispanic people. But that simply is not the case as a whole. An illegal immigrant can be from Mexico as well as Russia, Pakistan, China, or anywhere else in the world. The majority of the men that hijacked the planes on September 11th were here illegally from countries in the Middle East. So think about it, any amnesty that is given to illegals not only allows Hispanics (which we assume are hard working, harmless people) but also any possible terrorists that may be here also. Do we really want to have an open door policy for anyone who wants to come into this country? We can not pick and choose who are the good immigrants and who are the bad ones, it's all or nothing. That is the basic reason why we have a process to enter the country and to become a citizen. I understand the desire for those who are struggling in other countries to come to America to make a new start, but how fair is it to those who go through the proper channels when there are so many that bypass the law and then cry for rights?



As far as the Arizona law, the one thing that I keep going back to is how outraged people are that the police now have the right to demand proof of residence. To me, the only ones who would feel threatened by this would be those who have something to hide and are actually here illegally. If you have nothing to hide, why would you care? So that is like saying "I am a criminal, but you can not ask me if I am a criminal". How much sense does that make? And so if you are here legally and are asked to show proof, you should have no problem showing proof. My wife is of Hispanic descent but was born here, so if we were driving through Arizona and pulled over and she was asked for proof of residence, she has her driver's licence and Social Security card. No harm, no foul. So I do not understand how we somehow have gotten to the point in this country where we have laws yet are guilted into not enforcing them, as to not hurt anyone's feelings. I am in no way against anyone from any country coming to America to start a new and better life. But there is a process and if you don't follow it you might possibly be caught and sent back to the country where you belong. I do not find that nasty or cruel, it is only following the law. So please, think about the term Illegal Immigrant and then tell me what Arizona has done that is so wrong...

No Crime, Yet Still Punishable?

I have become very disturbed by what I have been hearing and reading and spoken about over the last several weeks concerning Ben Roethlisberger and possible action being taken against him by the National Football League. Now my outrage might not be at what most would think. those who know me know that I have always been very critical of professional athletes and celebrities who get themselves in trouble with the law. to me, with all the money these people make and the resources at their fingertips there is no excuse for a DUI and no reason to be hanging out with thugs and carrying guns. Why then, am I so upset by what has been going on with this case you ask? Because this situation is far different than that of Michael Vick or Donte Stallworth or Mel Gibson. In those cases you had rich professionals who were arrested for and convicted of crimes. All of those situations were a case of someone doing something they shouldn't have and being caught. The Roethlisberger situation is different, way different, yet the media and even sports apologists are chastising an athlete for something that he was accused of yet never charged with. For some reason which I can not fathom, this person has been found guilty in the court of public opinion, when in so many other cases the opposite is true.

Roethlisberger was out bar hopping with some friends in Georgia last month when he is alleged to have sexually assaulted a 20 year old college student in the bathroom of a bar. He was never arrested, and after weeks of investigating the local District Attorney declined to file any charges. It also came out that the alleged victim asked the DA not to file charges because she did not want to go through a long trial. But since this decision numerous details have come out about the night in question and what Ben was accused of. Problem is, these details are only one person's story (a drunk person at that), and even the statements given to police by the accuser seem vague and open to interpretation. She claims she was ushered to a back hallway by one of Ben's bodyguards, then when Ben made advances towards her she said it wasn't a good idea, to which he said it was okay. She also then makes the statement that "he had sex with me", not "he then raped me". She then went on to say that when he was done he left the room and didn't say anything. Now all of these things, I agree, sound like the actions of a creep, of a guy who does not know how to treat a woman and is only out for his own gratification. But at the same time, in of itself is that a crime? Is it a crime to be a single guy who goes to bars and has drunk sex with random women? No, it isn't. As much as I agree this isn't what you would want your son to do, their has been nothing proven to say that Roethlisberger did anything wrong or especially illegal. he may not win Man of the Year awards or be well liked by women's advocacy groups, but it also does not, or should not effect his job status. Yet the NFL commissioner has had harsh words for Ben, and it is expected that he will levy a fine and/or suspension against him soon. I just don't get it.

Michael Vick was arrested for, lied about, and eventually plead guilty to running a dog fighting ring and participating in the execution of dogs. Donte Stallworth was arrested for and plead guilty of driving drunk and hitting and killing a man. Plaxico Burress was arrested for and plead guilty to carrying a loaded weapon in a New York City nightclub and shooting himself in the leg with it. Matt Jones was arrested for Cocaine possession. These are all situations that are different than the Roethlisberger case because of one thing: he was never arrested or charged with anything. The one thing I have always been amazed by is how an elite athlete making millions of dollars can go out drinking and then drive his own car. All that money and you would think they would pay someone to drive for them, just to avoid any possible situations. Yet here is a guy who is not out driving himself, drinking with friends and yes, had sex in a bar bathroom with someone he just met. while it may not be what most people consider appropriate behavior, it is by far not illegal.

Twenty or thirty years ago if an athlete was out in a bar womanizing it wouldn't even be reported, because they weren't considered "celebrities". Yet with the salaries that the modern athlete makes now most are now tied in with the celebrity crowd and are followed and reported on daily. Mickey Mantle was a big time drinker and womanizer, so much that it shortened an already amazing career. Babe Ruth caroused just about every night yet was a national hero and considered a role model. Even Michael Jordan had a gambling problem and cheated on his wife very publicly, yet is considered a national treasure and icon. There was also the case of Kobe Bryant several years ago, where he was accused of raping a female worker at a resort he was staying at. And although charges were eventually dropped in that case, the entire time the proceedings were going on Bryant was practicing and playing with his basketball team night in and night out. so my point in all of this is why is Roethlisberger being treated so differently? Yes, you can bring up the fact that he was accused of rape last year, yet those accusations came a year after the alleged assault and the DA there also refused to file charges. To most who followed it, it appeared to be a woman that wanted more who decided to get paid off by a rich athlete.

So what is it that makes this case so different? Is it because he is a big star and the face of a historic franchise? Is it because the media and public are so tired of all the public debauchery that they want to make an example of someone? I honestly am still searching for the answer. As far as I have always been taught, people in this country are innocent until proven guilty. So if the authorities did not find substantial evidence to charge this person with any crime it seems to me there should be no further action in the private sector. The main difference between the examples I laid out prior and this one is that in those cases there was no doubt a crime had been committed, it was simply a matter of judging whether or not those people were responsible for it. In the Roethlisberger case there is still a question whether or not anything criminal even happened. It is a matter of her word versus his, and it is up to authorities to determine that. So how can others decide that he is guilty when those trained to make those types of decisions say there was no crime? I am all for those we watch on Sundays staying off the police blotter, but if we take every claim of sexual assault and immediately assume the person is guilty, what is to keep anyone from making up accusations just to get money out of it? I agree that what happened that night in it's simplest form was not what you would expect out of an elite athlete, but then again who are we to say what they should do? Why just because they make millions of dollars should they not go out and have fun and even make bad decisions, so long as they stay within the law?

With media coverage growing by the day, and every step celebrities and athletes take being recorded, it is for sure that many more cases of bad behavior and criminal activity will be reported on. On many cases an example needs to be made of those who think they are above the laws and rules because of their profession. But we set a very scary precedent by assuming guilt just because someone might not be a squeaky clean person. We need to let law enforcement do their jobs. But when we take sides in a he said-she said, we head down a slippery slope...

Let Kids be Kids

Okay, so is it just me or are kids being raised these days with absolutely no skills that are going to help them become well adjusted adults in the future? I see it and hear it every day. It's like we are so afraid to upset our children or have them suffer or want for everything, that they are growing up not knowing the facts of life and hard realities. My fear is that these children that are growing up today have no idea how to get along in the real world, and they are the ones who will be taking care of my generation when we get older. We are raising a generation of children who are coddled so much and we shield them from disappointment. I have my suspicions on why we are doing this, but I am also afraid of the direction it is leading us in.

I saw a disturbing segment several months ago on HBO's Real Sports with Bryant Gumble. In the piece, they highlighted how schools across the country are starting to ban activities such as Tag and Dodgeball. These are games that go back decades; who doesn't recall playing these at school and/or summer camp when they were younger? Well it seems as though certain educators feel that these games are a danger to our children, both physically and mentally. There is the danger of a child tripping and falling during a violent game of Tag, or a possible welt from a well directed ball during a heated round of Dodgeball. But besides the physical hard, we are told of the mental scars a game such as Dodgeball can inflict on our precious little angels. The fear is that a child is being taught that if you get hit with the ball you are out and you lose. The fear of intimidation. All these things that I must have somehow blocked out of my conscious mind, because I took out of it that Dodgeball was a fun activity that promoted competition, physical movement and coordination. I must have been one of the lucky ones that escaped my years of Dodgeball hell without any mental scars.

Also in the segment on HBO was a Phys Ed teacher who instead of having his students jump rope, he had they go through the motions without actually using a rope. The whole point was that they can skip the imaginary rope as little or as much as they desire without having the failure of tripping on the rope. I suppose somewhere hiding among us are people just stewing inside because of the shame and disappointment of getting their feet caught up in a jump rope when they were children, right? Once again I was one of the lucky few who escaped only taking out of if hand to eye coordination and the art of exercise. In addition, there was a woman who I wanted to jump through the TV screen and strangle. She was a principle at a school in Arizona who declared her elementary school a "no touch zone". In other words, no child is allowed to touch another student AT ALL. This means hugging, high fives, whatever. They play "shadow tag", where instead of tagging each other they tag one's shadow, and give each other "air five". And the way the woman smirked and giggled when asked about the insanity of these rules, it just made me sick to my stomach.

We are creating an entire generation of sissies...children who experience no failure and do not know what it feels like to have their feelings hurt. Many schools around the country now forbid teachers from grading papers with red ink. The reason for this is because the color red supposedly relays anger and is intimidating. So God forbid children get upset when they read the corrections on a paper they turn in. Supposedly we all grew up bitter and shameful because whenever we got a paper back with red corrections on it we shuttered and hid in shame. This also goes along with many youth athletics in where the games or competitions end without a winner or a loser. And in the rare cases where they do declare a victor, the losers are also given an award or are said to have come in "second" as opposed to being labeled the loser. Somehow we have lost our competitive edge in this country. No wonder other countries around the world have closed the gap, if not taken over the lead when it comes to sports and industry. We are so afraid of hurting our kids feelings that we are holding them back.

My suspicion as to why we are doing this to our children today is because of the old adage "give your children a better life than you had". Now I am all for that simple desire, to try and give your kids every opportunity you didn't have, to instill in them the wisdom you gained from your experiences both positive and negative. But are people, especially educators and lawmakers not going overboard in order to shield our youth from any possible negative experience? After all, has anyone not heard the adage "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" or "learn from your mistakes"? We are bastardizing life so as to take away any chance at our kids failing, so that when they are in the real world and have to deal with failure they do not know what to do. I am all for giving our children a better life, but we can not take away the possibilities of the disappointments we endured in our youth from them. Kids need to live life, they need to be kids, they need to get bumps and bruises and get their feelings hurt, so that they can learn how to deal with it. Because God knows that as adults they will have plenty of disappointments and hurt, and if they don't know how to cope they will end up the ones shooting up a school or hurting themselves because they have no other outlet.

So please, let's not continue on this ridiculous path we are going down when it comes to the sheltering of our children. Yes, we all cherish our kids and want what's best for them. But by holding them back and not teaching them how to deal with losing and disappointment and shame, we are raising a generation who knows not emotion. We do not want a nation of robots, so please allow our kids to be kids...

Let Your Voice be Heard

There was a record voter turn out for the 2008 Presidential election, and along with it came a sense that people wanted to begin to have their own say in how this country is run. As good as that turn out was, there still lies a great problem in this country when it comes to the very essence of our political system, and our own well being for that matter. Yes, it was and always will be very important for as many as possible to register to vote and have their voice heard every four years when the presidency is decided. But what is being missed year after year, term after term, is that there is a lot more to politics than deciding who the next president will be. In fact, those who are voted into local, city, state and congressional positions can be just as, and in some cases are more, important than the presidency. Sure this may sound crazy to some, but allow me to explain.



The President is thought to be the most powerful person in the country, and rightfully so. But he is far from the most important. The President can not make law or policy by himself. For that he needs the blessing of elected congressmen and women, from appointed judges and cabinet members. Those senators and representatives are voted on by the same people who vote for the President, only in most if not all cases far less of us vote in those elections. It then trickles down to the state level, in which more laws and policies effect our day to day lives than anything at the federal level. Your state income tax (if any), your state sales tax, your alcohol and tobacco taxes, your gas taxes, the costs of registering your car/boat/motorcycle, all these things are driven by state politics. Then you get to the local level, where you have mayors or town councils that decide on things such as school taxes and property taxes. Again, these are things that effect our every day lives much more than anything that is agreed upon in Washington. These are the things that most, if not all, people complain about on a daily basis. Why then are most of these elections ignored by the majority of people?



I must admit, I have been just as guilty in the past as the next person as far as overlooking the local elections. I suppose the thing about them is they are not as sexy as the national elections, and the names aren't usually as familiar to us. And then there is the overwhelming feeling of "my vote isn't going to change anything", or as is a popular sentiment in New Jersey where I live "they are all crooks anyway, what's the difference?". Well it is about time we stop feeling this way. It's time that we as a collective whole wake up and realize that our future is in our own hands. It may sounds cheesy, but it is the truth. Forget the rhetoric and all the political mumbo-jumbo...it is time we take back control and begin to take stock in our lives.



By continuously voting in the same people we are making them rich and the majority of us poorer. You don't have to read the newspaper from cover to cover or learn a whole new political vocabulary to be able to make informed decisions, all you need is to pay attention and know the facts. I admit that with the propaganda that each side throws back and forth it can be hard to know truth from fantasies, but if you pay attention you will know. But the one thing that needs to be done is for people to start to care again. Complaining about how things are going means nothing when you had no part in deciding who is making all the decisions.



To me, there needs to be a change in the way the general public sees politics. The majority see politics as something that the older generation care about and talk about over coffee at the diner. But the reality is it effects the younger generations more than the elderly. We are the ones who have the longest left here, the ones who will be paying taxes longer. But we are also the ones who can make a difference. Politics, especially at the local level, is something everyone can get involved in. You can help campaign, help with fundraisers, or even attempt to run for office yourself. The idea that "it's the same old people" needs to be forgotten, and replaced with a group of individuals that care enough about their future and the future of their families that they are willing to get involved and let their voices be heard.



With the internet, and with social networking sites such as Twitter and Facebook, there is an untapped landscape that needs to be exploited. Information is no longer limited to TV and radio ads that were paid for by only those who had the resources to get their words out there to the masses. You can now have your voice heard by millions, if not billions across the country and the world through the web. So this can and should be the way for our generation to begin and get their hands dirty, to start having their voice be heard. It is easier now than ever to spread ideas and thoughts and open up other's minds to ideas. We need to take advantage and take our towns, states, and country back...

A Second Chance?

So I keep hearing something over and over on TV, radio, the internet, work, and anywhere else people communicate..."Everyone deserves a second chance". It's not in relation to a child who made a mistake and was suspended from school, not about an addict who lost it all and can't get back on their feet. The person who brings up this comment so frequently is Michale Vick, who plead guilty to and served jail time for charges related to running a dog fighting operation and animal cruelty. The man organized and financially sponsored the ring, as well as helped first hand in the execution of several dogs, and went away to do hard time because of it. In the fallout, he lost a good portion of the record $125,000,000 contract he had signed a few years prior to this coming out.



So now Vick has finished serving his time and people are stewing about his future. You have those who are staunch animal rights activists that feel he should not be anywhere in the public eye and will protest anywhere they can be seen. You have current and former players who are 100% behind his return to football. You have such a mixed bag of feelings about this topic, because it touches on so many levels of our being: animals, sports, money, ethics, racial tension. But from those who back Mike Vick and his return to the NFL, you hear over and over the catchphrase "everyone deserves a second chance". As much as I believe this statement to be true, and also third and fourth chances, it is greatly flawed as it pertains to this situation.



Along with the statement "everyone deserves a second chance", you almost always hear it followed by "he has a right to make a living". Now as true as this statement is also, again it is flawed as it pertains to Mike Vick and the NFL. A second chance means the opportunity to prove you belong as part of free society, and earning a living means to be able to be employed and make money for it. But nowhere in the Constitution does it say that once you are an NFL player, or a professional athlete in general, that you have the RIGHT to make your living in the same manor once you have fallen from grace. And that is where our social conscience has taken a turn for the worse.



We see these athletes and celebrities and think that is what they were born to do, that it is the only thing they can and should do. And so when they break the law and get in trouble we feel it is a natural thing for them to go right back to doing what they were before, because it is what we associate them with. But tell me this: if you were arrested and serve jail time for what Michael Vick did, would your employer bring you back in the same capacity once you were released? Chances are they wouldn't. Chances are it would be extremely hard to find employment with a criminal record, especially with several felony charges that you fled guilty to. and if you were able to find employment, the choices would be limited and you would have to start at the bottom and work your way up the food chain. So why is it so many people just like you and I feel that it is Mike Vick's God given right to be offered a position on an NFL team now that he has served his time?



Okay, so the Philadelphia Eagles signed Vick to a one year deal paying about $1.6 million, of which reportedly he will pocket $750,000 once he pays back prior debts, and that is a huge step down from the money he was making before his transgressions. But at the same time, $1.6 million, or even $750,000 is more than 75% of us will ever make in a year. So forget if it is fair or not, because it is a free world and employers can hire who they want at their own risk. My problem is with average, everyday citizens of this country that are struggling with their own bills, having a hard time in today's tough financial situation, yet they feel that Mike Vick has the right to play football for a living. Are we that hard up for entertainment these days that even when we don't have money in our savings accounts we still want criminals to get rich so that we can be entertained for 3 hours each Sunday? I sure hope not...

What is this World Coming To?

Can someone please tell me what the hell our society is becoming? The things that you see on TV today, the clothes that young kids are wearing, the language that is becoming a regular part of our accepted vocabulary, it is all decaying at a rapid pace.

Now do not for a second take me for a do-gooder or an extreme right-wing conservative, I take pride in being very much middle of the road on my views. I am just looking around all the time and thinking "what is this world coming to?" Things are becoming downright scary, and we are all at fault.

You need look no further than the Teen Choice Awards that were on earlier this week. On a show that is aimed at young teens, you had the queen of teen imagery, Miley Cyrus, in a skimpy outfit swinging around on a stripper pole. Now I enjoy watching a stripper as much as the next guy, but there is something fundamentally wrong with a society that feels it is okay for a 16 year old to act that way in from of a targeted teenage audience. But this is just the latest in young girls being exploited for money and fame. And the thing is, it is more common and ingrained into our pop culture that it seems to be less shocking anymore. I have a 16 month old daughter, and the last thing I want when she grows up is for her to think that kind of behavior is acceptable for a child.

It's also the language and content that we hear and see on TV shows these days. I remember growing up the most risque show in TV was Threes Company. These days that show wouldn't even get aired because it would be considered too corny. Today you see more and more flesh, sexual innuendo and foul language, and it is on DURING DINNER TIME! As an adult in my 30's, I curse as much as the next guy and don't mind seeing nudity. But there is a time and a place, and our society and the regulators seem to have forgotten about a little thing called TACT. Again, I am far from being a prude, I just feel there is a time and place for everything.

And the effects all come to a head when you take a walk in your local shopping mall. When you walk around, you see young girls wearing less and less. Teenagers who are following the people they see on TV, prancing around half naked because "it is the style". It seems our generation figures we didn't like being told what to do, and hated being told NO, so in turn we are allowing our kids to do what they want so that they "like us" more than we liked our parents. Well guess what? You are a parent, NOT A FRIEND! As a parent you don't always have to be liked, most important is that you are RESPECTED. We need to stop trying to be our kids' buddies and start teaching them how to be respectful and how to be respected.

Hopefully I am not the only one who feels this way, because if I am we are in for a lot more trouble in the coming years...