How Old is Too Old?

Today I began to think about where my life is compared to what I wanted out of life when I was younger. You know, how when you are a kid and the whole "When I grow up I want to be a ____" thing. We all usually have these grandiose ideas of what we want to be, like a pro athlete, an actor, a doctor, the president, etc. So it got me to thinking, at what point are we "grown up", and how old is too old to continue chasing a childhood dream?

For me, I had always wanted to be a baseball player, or at least into my early teenage years. After that, I began to play music and learned to play guitar and it became wanting to be a rock star and play music for a living. As much of a passion as I have always had for music and playing guitar, it is something that I never seriously pursued. I played in a few makeshift groups when I was in my teens and early 20's, but nothing that panned out. Then I began working "real" jobs when it came to the point of needing to make a living. and now here I am 35 years old with a wife, child, mortgage and a "real job", which has nothing to do with music or any other childhood aspirations. Not that I ever really gave up on my dream and passion for music, but life just kind of happened and it wasn't a priority. I am sure this is something that many people, probably most, have gone through, but maybe I just obsess over it more than most.

And so now I sit and think, as I have many times before, if it is something I could ever fall back into if I tried to follow that distant dream? When do we come to the realization that this is what our life is going to be, that this is our reality? At what point do we give up the idea of chasing childhood dreams? Or is it a healthy thing to always have an eye on something more??

Is it selfish to want something more for yourself, when you have a life that is set and complete? Sure, some things you can go to school for as an adult and change courses, but others age gets in the way. At 35 you can't start up as a pro athlete (unless you are looking to join the Pro Bowling Association maybe), nor do you see many musicians who got their start that late in life. And when you have a job and a family and bills, it isn't as easy as saying "let me start over and try this instead".

So when is it time to look ahead and not behind? How old is too old to want to try and catch a taste of the sweetness of dreams you had in your youth? This is a question I ask myself all the time...

A Great Life

So what is it that makes a great life? Is it fame? Fortune? Having everything you ever asked for? What exactly is it that makes a life great? It is the question that everyone asks yet not many can answer. We all think we know what makes a great life, or at least what we think would make US happy. But what is it that truly makes for a great life? This is something that I, as I am sure many other grapple with each and every day. the answers usually seem so simple, yet extremely shallow at the same time. Sure, we would all love to have the perfect job, the perfect spouse, the great house and car. But is that it? Is that the answer?

It is so easy to think that a great like means to have it all, the house, the car, the girl, the money, the fame and fortune...but is that what makes a life great, or even happy? Happiness is not in what you have, yet in what you make. It's the age old philosophy "money doesn't buy you happiness". this is very true for the most part. Money alone can't make you happy, nor can fame or anything else that strokes the ego. Money and all the spoils might give you the opportunity to be happy, but it is up to us to make our own happiness. A lack of money, though, can definitely make your unhappy and make for a rough life, but also doesn't not guarantee misery. Life is what you make of it, rich or poor, famous or obscure. The key is finding what it is that makes you happy and what makes your individual life great. the answers though, might not be so easy.

So what makes a life great? Does winning the Lottery make it great? Does having a gorgeous wife make life great? Does being a rock star or professional athlete make life great? Does driving a fine Italian sports car make life great? I am sure the answer to each of those questions is YES, but on their own they are just individual accomplishments. At the end of the day, whether we are rich or poor, famous or not, we all need to look at ourselves in the mirror and see who we really are and what we have around us. Life is full of examples of people who seem to have it all, yet end up on the news in tragedy. the tragedy is not in that they had it all and lost it, but yet that they thought they had it all but in reality didn't have a great life.

trust me, I am far from one to say that I have it all figured out, because trust me I don't. But writing is part of me helping myself find the answers that I have been looking for, the answers I am sure many are looking for. I have a decent job that I enjoy and a beautiful wife and wonderful daughter. I also have a very deep passion for life. I have many interests, some that I am able to enjoy and others that I struggle to find time for. And as much as a part of me feels that those things that my life does not enable me time for are the things that would make for a great life, more and more I realize that it is the things that are in front of me that are great. But more so than the "things we have", what makes life great I believe are the things we do. People get so caught up in the rat race, in trying to get this and have that, that we sometimes forget our passions and to just enjoy the ride.

It's like obsessing over taking pictures of each and every moment of a child's life and upbringing. As much as I want to document every day of my daughter's life so that I will have the pictures to look back on, there are many times where I remember too late and regret not getting something on film or in print. But then I realize that instead of being there behind a camera recording something, I was actually there enjoying the moment with her, and that those memories will live forever in my mind. To me that is living, THAT is a great life. Being able to see the pure join in a little girl's face when she sees or experiences something new, now that is a great moment. Trying to make every holiday, vacation, or birthday the most memorable, is living a noble life. Realizing that the most important people in your life are those you say goodnight to each and every day is realizing what makes life great. sacrificing your own time and wants and needs in order to make your kids lives the fullest and happiest they can be is part of a great life.

You see, we may never find out what it is that makes for a great life. We may never know the true meaning of happiness. We might never be able to actually "have it all". Even if I am never a rich rock star, I can still have a pretty good life. As I have come to realize little at a time, the key to life is living. each and every day gives us a chance to live, a chance to make that day a great day. Sure, each day also has the opportunity to throw any number of problems our way, but those too are not what defines us or our happiness. It is what we do with those problems and how we learn from them and get past them that make life great or not. If we take everything, both good and bad, and learn from it and grown from it and life our lives with passion, then we will then be closer to living a great life...

The One Word

I have been called many things in my short time on this planet. I have been called son, brother, friend, foe. I have been called cousin, uncle, teammate, coworker. I've been called boyfriend, lover, ex, and husband. But there is one thing I have been called that means more to me than anything else...DADDY.

There is just something that happens when that little voice of my daughter's says that word, Daddy. It can be in a moment of need when she is sick, or a moment of fright when she isn't sure. It can be when she is playful and giggling, or when she is tired and saying goodnight. But even when she says it in anger or frustration, it is still the most soothing thing to my ears. Even when she is acting up and has me frustrated to no end, when I hear that word Daddy it just melts my heart and makes things a little bit brighter.

Just knowing that someone is so reliant on you, and so influenced by your words and actions makes you want to be a better person. And as much as we as parents have an effect on the way our children see the world, the thing they will never quite understand is how they do that very same thing to us...

Don't Silence the Soundtrack

I started playing music when I was in the 6th grade. My elementary school offered music classes twice a week as a preparatory for middle school. I chose the trumpet because that is what my older brother had played, and since he had since move on to the tuba I could use his old trumpet for my lessons. From there I moved into middle school and continued to play the trumpet, and then baritone and trombone. Playing music in school was something that I enjoyed, a release and a challenge all in one. But as I have grown older I have realized how much music has actually taught me, and how much it has molded my life.

I have always loved music for as long as I can remember. It has kind of been the soundtrack to my life. I can relate music to so many memories...summer days in the pool listening to Chicago and Michael Jackson and Neil Diamond at my parents' house, the Beach Boy Christmas playing in the background as we decorated our tree, listening to Def Leppard's Hysteria cassette repeatedly as we drove to New Jersey from Florida on a family trip. These are all life experiences that music has helped to stamp into my brain. Just like in a great movie where you can picture a certain scene when you hear a song being played, so has been my life. So it was only natural for me to want to be part of the music myself.

Sure, many kids dream of being rock stars when they are young, and I was no different. My younger brother and I would dress up like rock musicians and put on performances for our family lip syncing and pretending to play guitars that were actually tennis rackets. I can remember the exact moment when I knew I wanted to play guitar for real. I was at home watching MTV (this is when they actually played music videos) and saw Van Halen's "When it's Love" video. The scene was a dimly lit bar, with the band playing and a lot of close ups. I remember seeing ans hearing Eddie Van Halen play so crisply in the song, and instantly I thought to myself "I can do that". So when I was 16 my parents, broke down and got me an electric guitar for Christmas. It was the best gift ever, and over time I taught myself to play. Now I am a marginal player at best, but playing guitar, which I still do when I find the time, is a great outlet for me and I still get so much enjoyment out of it.

Playing music, both in school and on my own, has taught me so much. In a time where school music programs are being cut left and right, it saddens me because I can see all the good that can come out of teaching children about music. start with the fact that you are teaching them a skill, something that may or may not lead to a profession, but something that they will always be able to take with them. Along with that, it is the lesson of sticking with something and practicing it over and over in order to get better. It is a lesson that can be applied to anything they might do throughout their lives. In addition there are tremendous math skills that are honed when learning about and how to play music. Keeping time and learning the different lengths of notes are all mathematical elements.

Another important lesson that comes along with teaching children to play music is the social aspect. We are teaching kids not only how to read music and play in instrument, buy also how to do these things TOGETHER. The interaction between different parts or instruments, the breaking down of insecurities by having to play around others. These are all things that help to grow a child's character. In addition, you are teaching your kids culture, and about different styles and histories that they otherwise wouldn't learn about. For the four years I was in high school I played in the marching band where I was exposed to traditional marching styles as well as popular music transposed into a marching theme, the concert symphony where I learned classical styles such as Bach and Wagner, the jazz band which taught me studio jazz as well as the Latin fusion styles, and then pursued my own personal passions of rock and metal music while playing guitar on my own. What other skill or extracurricular activity offered in schools can give children exposure to such a diverse collection of experiences? And all of this while teaching them how to interact and become a strong individual.

Music is what drives me, it is what motivates me, it is what heals me. I prefer rock and metal music to others, but have and do listen to all other kinds such as Pop, Latin, Country and Hip Hop. I have a very diverse variety just in the CD changer in my car, which can range from Korn to 3 Doors Down to Tom Petty to Marc Anthony. to me, great music is great music, regardless of the genre or who it is that makes it. There is nothing more powerful than hearing a song that gives you goosebumps and hits a chord inside you because you can totally relate to the story or issue being sung about. And at the same time, at least for me, there is nothing more intense than hearing the perfect crushing guitar riff that just makes you want to bang your head or sway around. Music can make you cry, make you dance, make you smile, or make you think. And to me, that last one is the most important. Music makes us think. It makes us think about what the person who wrote it was thinking about, it makes us think about how we relate to it, and it makes us think about how they actually made it. What better lesson to teach our kids?

So today, while you are working or driving or watching TV, take notice of how many times you hear some sort of music. Then think to yourself what that music does to you, and how it makes you feel. Whether it be a CD you play on your drive home, or a soundtrack to your favorite TV show or movie, or even just a sample during a commercial, imagine what your life would be like without that music there. Then think about the fact that we are slowly taking about the roots of where that music comes from by dropping music classes from schools and not exposing our children to this wonderful craft. If we stop teaching our kids about music and how to make it, eventually we will be taking away the heart and soul of so many parts of our lives, silencing the soundtrack of our lives...

Who's Fault?

There was a time, not that long ago as a matter of fact, when our people were held accountable for our actions and mistakes. It seems like so long ago. But today we have become a society not only blames our shortcomings and bad choices on someone else, but where courts and doctors and pretty much everyone accepts these excuses. And I say excuses because that is exactly what they are. Do you remember when you were little and your parents would say to you "I don't want any excuses"? That was because they knew damn well that whatever it was that you did to get yourself in hot water, it was your fault. But today, that statement has been replaced by "Who showed you/taught you/allowed you to do this?". In other words, it's never your fault anymore, it's always someone else's fault. We are no longer held responsible for our actions, our bad decisions are most likely the result of our parents or because we should have never been allowed to have the chance to screw up. It has led us down a path that scares me to death, because if everyone is pointing their finger at someone else eventually we run out of people to blame, and then what?

It can be as simple as someone spilling hot coffee on themselves and suing the fast food joint for it being too hot, AND WINNING A MILLION DOLLARS. Instead of applying the rules of common sense and throwing this case out because the person should have been more careful with an obviously hot beverage, the courts opened up the gate for frivolous lawsuits by setting the precedent that it's not the idiot holding the hot food's fault if they get hurt, it's the supplier for not putting a label on it stating that it is hot. On which planet this makes sense I don't know, but it is now the norm here on earth, or at least in the USA.

Doctors are most guilty of this social epidemic, as they feed into the blame game. If a child is a behavioral problem, they have ADD or ADHD. If you are lazy and have no energy you have chronic fatigue. If you don't know how to cope with problems you have depression. Now these things are all very real and there are people who actually suffer from them, but not at the numbers that are treated today. Today, these are easy explanations and fixes for a much deeper problem. It is easier to say a kid has ADD and shove meds down their throat than it is to actually put the time in with them to teach them how to concentrate and behave. When I was a kid, maybe one child in a class had ADD, now we are looking at a third of them being diagnosed. To me, it is a result of people not putting the time in as parents and expecting the teachers and doctors to deal with it for them. And these kids grow up to be adults who don't know how to cope, except to medicate themselves. Is this really the world we want to create and have to live in?

It's all an endless blame game...when are we going to start taking responsibility for our actions or lack of them. When are we going to revert back to a time where people stood on their own merit, and not blame others for their weaknesses? This country was built and advanced by people who persevered through tough times, yet in modern days we want everything handed to us. We are teaching our kids that they deserve everything their little hearts desire, regardless of if they have earned it. We are raising a generation of people who know that if something goes wrong, they can sue someone over it, take a pill for it, get an exemption for it, or blame someone else for it. I am all for helping someone out who needs a hand, but eventually there will be no one left to give out that helping hand, because we will all be the ones asking for it...

The King of her Castle

As I write this, I have a paper crown on my head. It is a construction paper crown that my daughter made at a craft store about a month ago. I can honestly say I never really thought I would be sitting around my house wearing a paper crown, but at the same time I wear it with pride. You see, I didn't decide to wear it so much as my daughter decided I would. She was playing with her toys and had on a princess tiara, and came to the conclusion that I needed to be royalty too. And like that, my life's purpose was made very clear to me. In her eyes, I was royalty. To her, we were royalty. And to her, I am not a guy with an image to uphold, but instead I am her king, just Daddy.

Such had become my life, a life of being the father of a little girl. She is two and a half, yet starting to become a little lady with her own opinions and ideas. It is a humbling situation, but not at all regretful. Instead of watching Sportscenter and CNN during the day, it is Barney and sesame Street. Instead of working outside or tinkering with a guitar, I learn about the Little Mermaid and help dress her dolls for her. And damn this new thing called Polly Pocket. for those of you without young daughters, Polly Pocket is like miniature Barbie dolls that have tine little rubber clothes and accessories. My daughter learned of Polly at her baby sitter's house, as her daughter has them. So of course we were suckered into buying her a starters kit, and now it is her favorite thing to play with. Of course these dolls and there clothes are very small and hard for a 2 year old's fingers to fully function, so I spend a considerable amount of time helping her dress and redress her dolls. I can't say it is something I ever dreamt about doing, but it is something I do without hesitation or thought because it is time spent with my daughter.

There are trips to the zoo or to the farm to pick apples and pumpkins that have replaced road trips and nights out at the bars. Going to the mall is now about looking for children's clothes and shoes and hair accessories instead of CD's or clothes for myself. A trip to Chuck E Cheese's or McDonald's means more than a meal at a fine restaurant, because all of these things show up as a look of amazement and happiness in my daughter's eyes. Life has become mostly about her and her happiness and what she takes out of things, and less about what I want or don't want.

And so here I sit, my crown on my head, my daughter singing and dancing and giving me the occasional hug and kiss on the cheek. Today is not an unusual day or an exceptional one, just another day in my life as a dad. these things that I would have once thought would be embarrassing or uninteresting are now just part of my life, and totally enjoyable. there is not one thing I wouldn't do for my daughter, and to me that is what being a parent is all about. It's not about giving them everything and anything they want, it is about showing them the world and experiencing with them. So that is what I do every day, I am with her, sharing the world and her world. So I am her dad, and also the king of her castle, and there is nothing wrong with that at all...

Closed Minded or Well Informed?

So a few days ago my wife and I were having a discussion and she called me closed-minded. Now this wasn't a heated discussion or even one of any importance, simply talking about current affairs and the such. So it wasn't that I was hurt or insulted so much as I just didn't agree with her assessment. So of course, being who I am I had to try my best to explain myself (to no avail I am sorry to say).

As anyone who knows me well enough or has read this blog could tell you, I am VERY opinionated. Hell, it is largely because of that trait that I started writing this blog. I don't hide it...in fact I embrace, defend and promote it. To me there is nothing wrong with being opinionated, so long as you are well informed about what it is your opinion is. And that my friends is exactly my defense against my wife's labeling me as "close minded". You see, it's not that I do not listen to or accept other people's theories or opinions. I will listen to any one's side of a particular story, but if I don't agree I will tell you I don't agree, and that disagreement is usually based on some fact.

The other facet of my being opinionated, the part that gets my wife and I'm sure others even more frustrated is that I do not always we things in black and white. To me, you can have differing opinions yet still be right, and I can accept that. You see, I don't ALWAYS have to win in a discussion (I just usually do). For instance, we were discussing charity and my wife's argument was that the particular charity was worth while. I agreed with her, but inserted that in addition to the financial part of the charity they should also be giving the people the tools or information so that they or the people following them would not need the charity going forward (this is a theme that I discussed in my previous post Kick Out the Crutch). Well this frustrated her, because I was not accepting her opinion without adding mine as well. But to me that is the way of the world more times than not. Is there always a right answer? No, there isn't...the right answer is usually a composite of several differing opinions or viewpoints.

You see, I may be opinionated to the highest degree, but I am not closed minded. I am open to many ideas and suggestions. To me, people having differing viewpoints and opinions is what makes this world and especially this country so great. It is what has advanced our society and has gotten us to where we are today. If we all thought the same way and went along with the same ideals, how fun would that be? We all have a mind, and we all think differently based on our life experiences. Now that being said, I know that I am right most of the time. That is not being conceited just confident in myself. I take a great amount of pride in being well informed and well rounded. I like to think that I know a little bit about a lot of things. And bottom line is if I get into a discussion about a certain topic, you can be sure that it is something I know quite a bit about and have studied the facts. And to me, that is the key. If you just go into a discussion half-cocked throwing out statements bases solely on emotion you most likely do not know what the hell you are talking about. But someone who has done their research can hold their own, and will be heard and respected.

So yes, I may be harsh and I may be opinionated, and you may not agree with some of the things that I say, but I am very open to ideas and thoughts. It just so happens that I see things for the bigger picture and have thought of all aspects before entering into a debate. I will respectfully take in differing viewpoints, but at the same time reserve the right to correct anything that is incorrect. But at the same time, and this is very important, I do not hold grudges. just because two people do not agree on something does not mean that they can not be friends or work or live together in harmony. The fact that we all have our own minds and our own beliefs and our own opinions is what makes this world so beautiful. But just be prepare yourself for the fact that I am always right...